Support Call Archive
This call had only a few questions. They were a bit longer, but they were good. They were:
- My oldest is my 11 year-old daughter. She has always struggled to control her temper and it is in search for help with her that I found you a year or so ago. My daughter is a very intelligent and driven girl. When she is out in public or away from the family she is well behaved and everyone comments on what a pleasant, considerate, and well spoken girl she is. She looses control at home. Sometimes when she makes a bad choice, or gets called on her attitude she absolutely looses it. She basically has a fit and is completely out of instructional, or any kind, of control. I will start the rule of 3 with her and she starts in with "I can't take deep breaths." Then she starts in with a lot of very negative self talk, things like," I'm stupid, I hate myself, I can't ever be good,..." etc. Any suggestions will be very much appreciated!
- Should I be trying to enforce that my children play after, not during, scriptures in the morning? I tried turning on the audio mp3 of the scriptures, but that didn't help keep them focused. And, I read some great articles from meridian magazine and BYU magazine recently about the importance of family work. How do you foster a love for family work in my children? Also, I have been thinking a lot about how kids these days feel so entitled to everything. Is the best way to avoid this to teach the about their roles in the family and society? Another question. At what age should I expect/teach my kids to start paying attention to talks in Sacrament meeting? And, do you have a suggestion for a book of poems? I remember you saying you guys memorized one a week.
- My daughter's friend cuts on herself. She likes to show everyone and talk about it all the time. Is this appropriate? Should I say anything? Should I allow my daughter to play with her? It seems like this girl is just attention seeking, but no one seems to be doing anything about it. Why do people cut themselves anyway? It seems to be kind of popular now days.
This call was a rather long one, but we covered lots of good things. We had lots of questions, some overlapping others. The questions were:
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Does the access code change weekly?
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I am trying to adjust to having three children now that my son is almost a month old. My 2-year-old daughter is very rough and she pulls on him or pokes his eyeswhen I'm nursing or changing his diaper. I'm not sure what to do about that. She doesn't follow instructions yet unless it sounds fun. What's the best advice for the adjustment to 3 children?
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You mention regularly how important it is to have low tolerances for our children's negative behaviors, but sometimes it seems that I am correcting about almost everything one child in particular does. Some of the corrections we have done include:
He leans back in his chair, which has weakened and damaged several of our chairs, so they are glued and bungy-corded together.
He props his feet up on the edge of the table.
If he sees a ball, even one that is put away, he'll pull it out and bounce it in or against the house walls outside, which is against the house rules. I just wonder how to handle these behaviors without leaving him feeling so berated at the end of each day. Thank you for your insights into our situation. -
Please teach us about the Expectations Cycle and Accepting the 'No Answers' Life Throws Each of Us.
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My 8 yr old daughter is hoarding trash among other things. It is truly trash and not just old items that are ready to be thrown away. My husband thinks I should just let it go, and let her keep all the trash I bagged up because she acted so traumatized when I tried to throw it away. Is there a way to help her understand that garbage is garbage, even though to her it is special? How do I help her?
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In regards to homeschooling, I feel inspired that that is what I need to do for our children. My husband is okay with whatever I choose. He is most concerned about my happiness and well-being. However, do I need to suggest that he pray and receive revelation in this area also? I believe we should both feel the same inspiration on what is best for our kids. Also, can you elaborate on the definition of 'insulating' your children. What exactly does that look like? And, recently you talked about going to a Justice Center with your daughters and their young women's group. You used a couple of phrases that I understood:Violation of conscience, Parents are Protectors of conscience, and how children 'process' things. Can you elaborate?
This Support Call was quite a bit shorter than most that we've had, but we still covered some good things. These are the questions:
- I recently found that my 14 year-old daughter, who is in a group home, has been put on birth control pills and antidepressants/anti-anxiety medication without my permission. Is there some legal action I can take as her advocate to get her off of these things?
- I used the rule of three to encourage my 8 yr old daughter to sit in the dentist chair at the Dentist office. Was I wrong to do the rule of three in this situation?
- CHORE HONESTY--I'm not sure if my 11-yr old son is doing his chores "honestly". He was given sweeping the kitchen floor as his extra chore as a consequence from a correction after school. But last night when I was sweeping the floor one last time for the day , I noticed that just behind a pantry door, there was some potted plant soil with crumbs that had been swept under the door. I am pretty sure he was the one who did it, but since I wasn't there when he did the chore and I didn't inspect right after he was done, I don't want to blame him without being sure.
This call was quite a bit longer than usual, but we got to cover so many good things! The questions were great and very insightful. They are:
- How can I best help my 13-year-old son to be motivated to develop himself, and to thereby help him brainstorm and focus on exploring ways to develop his talents, skills, and abilities?
- My 9-yr old daughter and 11-yr old son walk or stomp away when I am giving them a correction. How should I handle this?
- My 2 and half year old learned to call people stupid from her brother. And now she does it a lot for attention is the best for the to deal with it to put her in time-out and give her a chore? SHE has been doing it for a couple of weeks now.
- In regards to homeschooling, I get a lot of people from my church saying we have to be a light to the world, quoting the scripture in the Bible. And saying if we homeschool it takes away that opportunity. I know that's not true. Homeschoolers don't just stay home anymore. What has been your expertise with this?Do you think it takes you out of the world? Like how we are told to be in the world be not of the world.
This call was great! We had quite a few good questions. They were:
- We are a homeschooling family and my oldest daughter who is 16 takes a seminary class each morning at 8. It seems like she misses quite a bit due to a "headache" or "feeling sick". To me it feels excessive, it is almost weekly. Is that normal? Also, it really bothers me that some of my girls don't sing in church. Is this something I can do anything about or should I just try to make it a non-issue?
- My 8 year old daughter has an addiction to sugar. It seems to be as bad as a drug addiction. When it is discovered that she has been taking and hiding treats, she earns a major maintenance and goes without treats that day. She doesn't seem to want to change though. It is a constant battle.What can we do?
- The other day my son wanted to watch a TV show because he saw some advertisement on a go-gurt. I said it wasn't appropriate.When that is our family standard do I just respond: never. Or do I just tell him he can make that choice for himself after he is 18?
- I'm having a hard time finding fun things for my family to do together. Can you help with that?
This call has only three questions. But, still very interesting. The questions are:
- Is it ever okay to gently pick up a child to move them to a time-out area?
- How do you accept the 'No Answers' life throws you?
- My 4 yr old must be sensing a great change in our lives as the baby will come in the next week. He has gotten really creative in seeking attention. Also, has Paije "graduated" from Teaching Self-Government?
On this call, there were a couple situations that could be because of or could lead to sexual addictions. We also had questions from keeping ADHD children calm in pre-school and accepting other people.
Here are the questions:
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My sons (5 and 6) are a little too interested in pulling down their pants. I'm not sure how to respond to the situation. What do I do?
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I have a question about my almost 16 year old son. we have had the requirement in our family that the boys earn their eagle scout award before they can receive their drivers license.He is a very "white" personality, he tends to be on the more passive side, and sometimes aggressive if he is pushed to far. What can we do to help him take ownership for communicating his needs such as completing his Eagle Scout Award? What are some good ways to communicate these things to him?
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What do you see as the relationship between accepting no answers and accepting other people?
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I have a question about my ADHD child. He's in a pre-school setting. How do I help him want to be calm?
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My 11 year old boy who doesn't want to be seen with me. My husband and I got married later in life, so I'm a bit older. How do I help him be less judgmental?
In this call, there some wonderful questions ranging from trouble with spouses and teaching toddlers boundaries to proper roles. It helped those on the call to understand more about their situations and how to fix them. Hopefully you will understand more fully when you listen to the call too!
Here are the questions:
- Why do roles matter and how can roles be reinforced?
- How do we use TSG with our 2 year old when he hits or bites his siblings?
- How can you possibly have the energy and time to do all 8 steps in the correction that you mention in your course?
- How can I make my spouse my top priority? I'm still struggling with nagging and threatening. What am I missing? Also, you mentioned Emotional Vomiting and that it is an "Animal Instinct" to have emotions, but also to want to have control. Can you explain more please?
This call had questions about teens and toddlers, and even how to find certain things on the Teaching Self-Government website.
Here are the questions:
- I have 7 children with the last three being adopted from a fostering situation. My husband is in the military and deployed often, leaving me the sole parent. I know the problems with my kids are because of me. I'm a “smoother-over” trying so hard to make everyone happy that now I have kids that walk all over me and are disrespectful. My husband has got reassigned and we will be moving the Alaska in June. I'm begging you for some help as I'm not sure I can make it through another deployment without a strong plan and tolls for my parenting.
- My 14 year-old daughter has been in a group home for about 4 months for her stealing and violent behavior towards me. She's starting to be able to come home on the weekends. The first weekend in April she was home for the two days and on Monday her older sister came to me to tell me she was missing $70.00... My feeling is that until the money is returned/found she shouldn't be able to come home. What are your thoughts?
- Do you ever allow natural consequences to be the consequence or do you always follow through immediately with a job consequence?
- I absolutely love the Implementation Course. I have difficulty, however, finding some specific lessons. Is there a simple way to find specific classes/lessons?
- How do I do relationships TSG Style?Meetings?How do I show love in healthy bonding ways? What about beating co-dependency?
This call went great. It was a little shorter than usual because I'm leaving for Las Vegas today. We had some good questions though.
They are these:
- 1st: Not finished with major maintenance chore and SODAS during 24 hours. What happens then? 2nd: What to do on low energy days when it's so difficult to catch and do corrections? 3rd: Rule of Three question - Where to start if child hasn't completed first consequence, yet seems to be out-of-instructional-control? 4th: Damage to sibling's journal or other handmade item. What do I do exactly? 5th: Physical meanness/violence and siblings trying to enforce parents' instructions(instead of letting the parents be the parents)
- My four year old frequently breaks down crying when his feelings get hurt. I struggle with knowing whether or not to hug him back with compassion or calmly request that he talk to me calmly when he comes to me crying. His sisteroften will not share her things with him. I tell him that if she doesn't share with him, it's like getting a no answer and he can disagree appropriately with her. I am not sure if I should instruct her to share them. Please help!
- My 2 yr old daughter is having trouble sleeping and staying in her bed at night. So is there anything more to it than continually putting her back in her bed and both parents being consistent? Thoughts? THANK YOU!
- Sometimes it's just so hard to “stay strong,” like you said before. A few nights ago, my kids were stressing me out. It was bedtime and I didn't feel like handling it. So, I just went to bed and told them to put themselves to bed. What should I do instead?