Trying to break the oppositional defiant cycle

Hello!

Continuing to work on TSG in our family, and with our 16-year-old son who has ADHD & ODD tendencies.

The day before yesterday he reverted to insults, profanities and disrespect while arguing (not disagreeing appropriately). He went without his TV and technology privileges for the day, waiting for him to start the 24 hours loss of privileges. The next day, he was calmer, while not perfectly calm during discussions, (he does a lot of Eye rolling, and talking over me when I’m trying to teach). After a long discussion we were able to get to a point where he agreed to the 24 hours loss of consequence. He did try to knock a few hours off of the time the next day, saying his vacation was starting and he had nothing else to do without technology, but did walk away and accept a no answer when I told him we needed to wait until his time was done. I later went and threw him a bone so to speak, and said that if he could follow a couple of simple instructions (Picking up things he had left in his room and another room) and that would show that he was willing to take instructions and I would knock about 2 hours off of his time.

Last night, after he’d been calmer and more pleasant, he asked if he could also have his social media apps back on his phone. He has had issues with getting into inappropriate activities through these apps, despite my best efforts so far to block and limit them.

He asked in front of his brother and sister, and I did not want to shame or embarrass him so I told him we would talk about it later. About 20 minutes later I thought I would compromise with him and offer him some monitored time on social media, thinking he would agree to that because he wanted to get on these apps. He did not agree, and began to demand giving him the same access he has had in the past and became argumentative and called me a liar. I saw where things were going so I told him I was walking away and I figured I would implement a two hour consequence the today to have a more peaceful night last night, since he often reverts to knocking on our door demanding incessantly for his privileges back.

Any general tips and feedback based on this type of dynamic we have? Trying to find a balance between having low tolerances, and having him experience some small wins where he does not lose hope or become more entrenched in his defiance and gets mom thinking that this is an unfair system and doesn’t work for him