Seemingly chronically stuck out of instructional control

Hi Nicholene!

I really enjoyed the three day parenting mastery course. Unfortunately I missed the last four hours because of a family wedding we had scheduled. It seemed like right before I had to leave, it was really getting going into the part that I feel we are missing the most in our family (dealing with our 16-year-old son who seems chronically out of instructional control). We are just scratching the surface and I am just trying to start getting better at the rule of three. Also, I have to mention, since my wife and kids are not on board with this “new parenting of dad“, we have not done a family vision with everyone participating yet, and pre-teaching has been just started to get sprinkled in. It seems extremely difficult to get everyone to agree and so I’m trying my best to deal with situations as they come, and pre-teach (or POST teach at the moments).

My question is:
If our oldest seems to be taking the rule of three and pre-teaching on as a power struggle, and remains defiant and unwilling to follow ANY instructions, is it supposed to be that you continue to keep trying every 15 minutes and add consequences on top of the prior consequences? If so, does this make it spiral “out of control“ where 24 hours loss of privilege becomes five or seven days, or if not, how would you expect an oppositional and defiant youth to eventually get to point where they see it’s in their best interest to simply follow the simple instructions of breathing, or any other simple instruction that you are giving them? Thank you!