Rule of 3 help

We've been giving my son 5 minutes to calm down, which has been helpful since he escalates from 0 to 100 quickly, often earning all 3 consequences within minutes when things don’t go his way or plans change. I’ve also implemented your suggestion of not accumulating consequences. We even shortened the 24-hour consequence period to 4 hours. This has helped reduce his outbursts to two major meltdowns this week. We might have avoided more, but on his way to calming down, he shouted disrespectfully, triggering the rule of 3 before calming down, and then refused to accept the consequences.

The next day, he came out for meals only, but when he was out he hurt his siblings, screamed disrespectfully and disrupted his dad’s meetings at work. I checked on him every 15 minutes, but 16 hours later he is still out of control.
I know my son has many skills to develop, which is why I appreciate the program, especially its focus on calmness and connection. On calmer days, even when he uses his prefrontal cortex, he often steps outside his role, and more often than not, he's condescending toward others. He tends to be controlling and bossy with his siblings and friends and struggles to cooperate unless it's his idea. He doesn’t pick up on social cues and plays unfunny pranks on people. During these times, I make an effort to give three praises for every correction and have him practice the skills he lacks. Everything is usually fine until he gets a no answer and explodes.
I believe part of the difficulty with the SODA exercises is that my 8-year-old struggles to take responsibility for his choices and the resulting consequences. He often hurts others but sees himself as the victim, even editing his memories and adding things that didn’t happen. This is why we have cameras throughout the house. But even with camera evidence, he’ll still argue against it.
When the program was working better for us, he was still receiving 4-hour consequences every other day. I don’t think he’s ever truly accepted the consequences.

Do consequences pause during the 5 min calm down when he goes out of control?

How do I persuade my husband to continue to allow me to homeschool and use this program when my son is so out of control?

My 7 year old is now ahead of my son in some subjects which is causing my son to belittle my daughter do I hold her back because my son can’t handle it? They are both years ahead academically, and you suggested a focus on subjects that are less triggering