Progress but modifying TSG
Hi Nicholeen!
Going on about five months of learning TSG and incorporating it within our family. I did the parenting mastery course, read parenting a house united, and Roles. I continue to believe that the biggest impact has been helping me feel calm during challenging moments, especially with our 16-year-old son who began to be extremely oppositional about a year and a half ago. I began to try to get comfortable with knowing the scripts and steps, and struggled in the beginning, especially with the rule of three and consequences went out of instructional control.
In our home, our three children have gone from throwing tantrums when I first tried to implement the steps and scripts, to ridiculing and complaining about how it sounded unnatural and scripted, to complaining to Mom who hasn’t been fully on board, to slowly but surely accepting it as Dad‘s new way of being and parenting.
I recently wrote down what I felt were our top 10 things that we are struggling with (80% to 90% is mostly with our oldest son who is 16):
-Child found with inappropriate content through social media
-Child hacks Technology to get around parental controls
-Child uses profanities
-Child uses put downs
-Child leaves a mess behind
-whining or yelling
-not following instructions
-lateness and moving slow when late
-ignoring and walking away
-an attitude of smugness and entitlement
I’ve struggled with implementing chores, and continue to feel like I have gotten used to going long with what the kids describe as lectures, and I’ve used the removal of media apps or technology, and sodas exercises as my primary consequences.
I guess I have in part a question, and in part wanted to give an update and better description of our current family systems and dynamics in preparation for an upcoming mentoring call I have with you Nicholeen! My question is about the modified implementation of TSG. Is there something that you would say I should really should think about kicking up a notch, or not modifying as I might be, because it’s extremely critical to the effectiveness of TSG? I am a questioner by tendency, so maybe I’m just asking myself if I am not getting the full benefits or on a slower path because I’m omitting some parts or modifying. Does that make sense?
Thank you, and I can’t say how much this program has personally helped me, to improve my own calmness, have a plan for calmness for myself and for our family, and for any who are still early on, stick with it!
God bless