Modifying the ‘Rule of Three’ to reduce explosive behavior before accepting consequences

Recently, I sat down with our oldest son, who is 16 years old and has struggled with ADHD and (ODD) tendencies. He had just gone through a 24-hour period of consequences for going out of instructional control, and he brought up some points he felt were unclear or unfair about the 'Rule of Three' the 24-hour consequence period. We had a long discussion—well, to be honest, more of a lecture.

I decided to rewrite the information from the Teaching Self-Government (TSG) printout, which outlines the two sides of his choices: what he’s choosing if he practices self-government versus what he’s choosing if he does not. We clarified several points I realized I had not been handling consistently or correctly. For example, somehow it became understood that he could skip the first two of the instructions given during the rule of three, without any consequences. I thought, wait that doesn’t seem right. So I went back and realized there were specific earned consequences to each instruction not followed during the rule of three.I also pointed out that he was, at times, pushing the limits by escalating his behavior—getting verbally aggressive, insulting, and even challenging physical boundaries—before accepting the start of his 24-hour consequence period.

I explained that I might need to modify the system to help him see that choosing explosive behavior before accepting the consequences is not truly self governing. I also clarified that during a 24 hour period of loss of consequences, if he chose to power struggle and not use his skills, we would restart the clock and he would lose credit for any time earned. We also clarified that certain actions would lead directly to a 24-hour consequence period, skipping the rule of three. For example, choosing to be verbally aggressive, incessant knocking or demanding things when given a no answer, preventing people from closing doors or forcibly opening them, possessing inappropriate content on his devices, or consuming alcohol or other substances like vaping.

I haven’t been able to think of a specific modification to help him accept the start of his 24-hour consequence period more readily without engaging in explosive, ego-driven behavior and indulging himself. If you have any thoughts on this, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you!