How to handle blame, criticisms and continuously talking over and talking back

So we continue to make progress in our family, albeit slowly with my practicing TSG and using the skills and teaching the skills with our three children, while my wife continues to oppose. I’ve accepted that, and don’t really find myself being bothered by the criticisms, or eye rolling that happen (primarily with our oldest son is 16, but then also from my wife). It’s kind of an interesting thing to experience, at times feeling like an outsider of the family, and then at other times feeling like the children appreciate it all at a deeper level, with the work that is involved and the love required to remain committed despite the family’s criticisms and challenges. I can honestly say that I feel an appreciation that it isn’t understood fully by them or acknowledged openly, because it takes a lot to remain calm, loving, consistent and accepting of their choices, regardless of being criticized, mocked, insulted and like.

Anyhow, my question is more about handling opposition, and criticism, and arguing and talking over, specifically with our oldest son who is 16 and seems so have this type of behavior so ingrained in his habits that it is extremely difficult for him to change. When I’m correcting, describing a situation, and explaining the choices he has made and the choices he could have made, he often responds with these type of behaviors and attitude. I feel like I’ve continued to lower my tolerances, but I still wonder if I have my tolerances too high, maybe because I feel like he’s not ready to make bigger changes or hasn’t had his heart turned entirely just yet.

I’m wondering if you would recommend anything different, or just continue to lower tolerances and stick with the scripts! Perhaps it’s my lens, but I almost see it as slowly steadily, chipping away and continuing to work on lowering my own tolerances with him, rather than a more black and white approach (like, you are not disagreeing appropriately every single time you all your eyes, when I am correcting you…). I mean I’ve told him that, but I wonder if I used chores and consequences every time he did it, would there be an end? I want to be consistent, and maybe also I wonder with so much family criticism of the system and myself, what would that look like if I was even more strict or lowered my tolerances?

Thank you always!