Dreading school

My parents often compare my son who is 8 with my brother, noting similar behaviors at the same age. My brother, struggling with bipolar disorder, experiences highs of intelligence and fun, but also severe lows where he perceives loved ones as enemies. Previously resorting to drugs to self medicate , he now turns to excessive exercise, which somewhat helps but doesn't fully alleviate his distorted perceptions.

My son shows similar tendencies. Today, during a low mood, he fixated on past incidents where he felt wronged. For instance, he recalls a moment four years ago when his cousin jokingly called him a 'demon' while calling his sister an 'angel’, and I laughed '. , he dwells on these memories during his depressive phases like a broken record, and can’t drop it, he brings up past grievances even going as far as stating how another cousin woke him up at 7am playing the piano once. He fixates on negative memories and can’t seem to get out of this victim mindset. During these phases he will bring up every single wrong thing anyone has done to him in the past five years, and he is often totally mistaken about every situation. He brings up his sister calling a poopy face but doesn’t bring up how he poked, and kicked his sister. He brings up the extra chores he has to do all the time without stating how he earned the extra chores. Each time, I describe the situation and give him a chore.

In his depressive state he does not follow instructions, often sabotages his sisters work, and hurts others. Today, he ruined his math test by scribbling it all out, made loud noises during sisters test and hid all of his sisters toys while he was supposed to do his extra He spent the entire day complaining and earning extra chores, and picking on others. He earned the rule of 3, but had a difficult time actually doing the work.

I’ve remained calm, and focused on describing the situation and giving these consequences, but I can’t help get wrapped up in his misconceptions about reality. How can someone remember things so incorrectly?

I’m personally against medication, but if he does have bipolar disorder what if he self medicated with drugs, alcohol or sex? How can I not repeat my parents mistakes? Is it important to get a diagnosis? I’m afraid a diagnosis will hurt his future potential and employability in certain jobs. I do not want to deprive him of medication that he might need because of my personal biases but I also don’t want him to rely on drugs to feel normal.