Divided & modern progressive mom overriding consequences and giving privileges back. Where do we go from here?
About 1 year into TSG, & seems that we moving backwards with our 16-year-old son who has his struggles with ADHD. Mom had begun escalating & yelling when our son was going out of instructional control & power struggling. She has since chosen to override his consequences of earning 24 hours loss of privileges.
He’s gone out twice with friends, because she has vocalized her disapproval of TSG & agreed with him. I have tried to be transparent & let her own the decision, letting our son know that he does not have my permission.
Yesterday, he power struggled for about 35 minutes & was explosive in her presence, using profanities, insulting me & pushing a couch several feet, throwing a lamp on the floor & throwing a drink at me. This was after he initially said he accepted a chore for bypassing parental controls watching something inappropriate on Netflix. When I told him it was 20 minutes of chores, he power struggled then exploded.
I did not react or get sucked in. Tried to tell him & her to calm down, & take a breath. My wife initially tried getting him to just do the chores, yelled at him & offered to help him do the chores herself to try to get him to comply (nope). She began acting anxious & erratic, blaming me telling me it should never have gotten to this.
After her & I continued to be at odds with each other, I tried to compromise with her offering her a solution where she could get him to agree to 1 hour of chores at which point I agreed he could go out if he did that. Well, he told her he wouldn’t, power struggled with me in the morning the next day, then got home & she led the interaction. He stalled saying he had homework (watched YouTube mostly). It worked out as I expected & had warned her that he would then say he didn’t have time to do 1 hour of chores before going out. Still led to her disagreeing that he should be held to the 1 hour agreed of chores, & she blamed me & TSG in the end.
Don’t know where to go from here, as we’ve gone from mom not agreeing but letting the consequences and chores happen, to now her actively overriding and giving our son permission to go out & have privileges. I’ve basically told our son & her that I’m going to continue to do TSG, and I will not be unblocking his apps or allowing privileges of technology until he’s ready to accept 24 hours (oh, he cursed at her as well when he was frustrated because he didn’t want to wait for her to take him to his friends house but wanted me to)
Any thoughts? Thank you so