different sensory needs in one family

Hi, my children have different sensory needs – My eldest can't handle noise and my other 3 can't seem to stop making noise – just the volume they talk at is loud. My eldest often wants to retreat to her room when we have any kind of interaction for more than a few minutes – eg. staying after a meal or having a family meeting.
Also a really bad issue at the moment is that my youngest (miss 5 ) is calculatedly nasty to Miss 13 especially when I am not looking – cutting her eyes at her, pushing her, pulling over her things.
Then she's very hard to capture and make any connection with as she whines over me and then I am too tired to pin her down and require follow through of consequences! I understand we are just starting out – but I'm not able to get them to consistently listen much less obey!