Are you familiar with Connect Method Parenting (connectmethodparenting.com by Andee Martineau)?
Directly From the website, here is some of the language or concepts that she promotes:
• Relationships trump everything else. Rather than correction & rewards, it’s the human connection that creates kids who actually WANT to listen to you.
• I teach parenting without correction. Punishments, bribes, ultimatums, timeouts, grounding, yelling, tears, guilt…they aren’t going to do the trick of getting the kids to listen.
• I always wanted to be the “Mother Teresa” kind of mom. But eight years into parenting I had become the “yelling, frustrated, out-of-control” kind of mom. It felt awful! That’s when I stopped believing in traditional parenting (thinking consequences and rewards worked) and started looking for a better way to parent. After thousands of hours of research and loads of parenting practice (aka mistakes), I created Connect Method Parenting.
I have read her book and a fair amount of it sounds appealing, especially her focus on getting to calm and intentionally doing things to create connection with your kids. She goes really deep into emotional processing. Much of what she teaches is that emotions are safe and to let your kids fully feel them because that's part of healthy emotional regulation so that people don't get emotionally constipated (which leads to problems down the road).
She also teaches that correcting your children damages their relationship with you and makes you an unsafe person in their eyes, and thus makes them not want to listen to you or be parented by you. She has said that they have to choose for you to be their parent, meaning that they have a choice as to who they will allow to influence them, and that just because you are technically their parent doesn't mean that they will choose you to fill that role in their life of being a guiding influence. She says everything is evidence-based and backed by science and research.
Can you please share your thoughts on this approach to parenting?