Giving & Receiving Instructions

This week's Gem is a reminder on the 1st Basic Skill: Following Instructions. Specifically, the 5th step of checking back. These are a collection of my thoughts as I have been learning about giving and helping my children to receive instructions.

I used to think that other people could read my thoughts. I'm not sure why, but I would assume they knew what I meant, or think that they understood- even if I had not explained myself. Becoming assertive in my communication has helped me in all of my relationships but I still notice some traces of this thinking when it comes to giving instructions.

Brushing hair has been one of those chores that has been a challenge in our home with three young girls. As I brused their hair I used to direct my children with my hands instead of giving them instructions with my words. I forgotto use my mouth to tell my children what I needed them to do. This made them feel like I was forcing them and they would whine instead of disagree appropriately.Sometimes my tone would cross the line from inviting to forcing. This also carried over into other areas of my parenting.

A couple of weeks ago I asked a question on the conference call about how to help my daughter who whines instead of asking for help. A few days after the the call, as I was giving her instructions, I had a sudden realization. I had the distinct feeling that the instruction I gaveher felt too heavy. She normally isa light, bubbly type of person who loves to giggle. I realized that the instruction felt heavy because my words did not help her see herself being able to do the instruction. It's not that she didn't know how to put the books away, or that she wasn't capable of doing what I asked. She was. The problem was that my words did not describe clearly enough so that she could imagine what I needed her to do.

After I realized this I said, “You know what, I need to do that again. Let's rewind.” Then I gave the instruction describing more in detail so that she could imagine each step. Suddenly, she no longer felt overwhelmed by the instruction and she did it immediately.

This morning I had a second realization on giving instructions that I wanted to share. I was talking to my daughter about why we need to check back. As we talked our conversation turned to our Judeo-Christian roots and I asked, “Did you know that Jesus checked back?” My daughter said that as a child Jesus probably checked back with Joseph after helping in the carpentry shop. I agreed with her. Then I told her about when Jesus was creating the earth with Heavenly Father. I told her that Heavenly Father would create something spiritually, and give an instruction to Jesus to go to Earth to create it physically. Every time he got an instruction he said okay, and every time he was done he checked back. The very moment I told her this I stopped and looked up. As I thought about thisI wondered at what I had said. It seems so obvious to me now that it's funny that I did not recognize it before. It is a divine pattern. No wonder it works so well.

Finally, as I was going to bed tonight, I realized one more thing. I've been working on going to bed on time so that I can get up and not be so tired. When I actually stopped workingwhen I had planned to, I said to myself, “I did it!” I had a victory moment and congratulated myself for having done what I had planned to do. Then I realized that I checked back to myself! These are the moments that we realize we are growing in our self-government, and it is making all the difference.

Here is the Audio Gem from Nicholeen:

It is so true that the more we apply, the more we can learn – and that goes for just about anything. Remember this week to follow all 5 steps of the 1st Basic Skill: Following Instructions. As you keep focusing on working on the basics, your self-government muscle will grow stronger.Keep learning more about this 1st Basic Skill and you will be more and more amazed at the connection to true principles

For some bonus material, here is an article from Nicholeen on the same checking back.

The Dawdler

I'd love to hear the added insights of things you have learned on this principle. Please share your light.

To the victory of your children,

Pennie Rumsey