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Hi Nicholeen,

I've been following your responses but haven’t been able to join live due to the chaos at home. I'll try to listen in next week.

I think there may have been a misunderstanding about consistency and the 24-hour consequences. We’ve been consistent with the program. My son's out-of-control behavior included brief bonding moments between consequences. When the kids make mistakes, they practice each skill three times. We pre-teach, do daily Bible study, family meetings, and weekly mentor meetings, and we follow through with consequences. Since starting in December, things went smoothly for six months. My son faced the rule of 3, got angry, and was sometimes condescending, but the system worked beautifully and he was learning.

In May, during a family meeting, the kids suggested a reward system, which we agreed to. But when my son almost earned a trip to Grandma’s but didn’t, he lost control, and things spiraled into a power struggle over the 24-hour consequences. My son, usually responsible and respectful, has a stubborn streak and quick temper. When upset, he escalates quickly, almost as if he blacks out, forgetting everything. Those moments, now happening every other day, are when he becomes disrespectful. He usually cares about what we think but hasn’t owned up to the consequences and is just angry.

Now, when I initiate the rule of 3, his response is intense. The calming tasks make him go berserk. He earns the consequences but forgets everything afterward and blames me, seeing himself as a victim.

He’s been earning 24-hour consequences almost every other day for two months, once for 20 days in a row, with brief bonding moments in between. I feel like I’m drowning—over the past two months, I’ve neglected self-care, gained weight, and lost my calm. My mom and mother-in-law think I’m not giving him enough time to calm down between the rule of 3, and they might be right because I feel a lot of resentment. I realize I’m not showing love with my eyes as I should. On the surface, I appear calm, but it’s a fake calm.

The psychologist working with him suggested coloring to calm down, but I’m unsure about allowing that during the 24-hour consequence. What are your thoughts?

The program initially worked well, but now the key phrases seem to trigger him. Even though he practices perfectly when calm, he struggles to apply it in real situations. My thoughts are that it worked until it didn’t.