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Hi Nicholeen,

I've been following your responses but haven’t been able to join live due to the chaos in my home. I'll try to listen in next week.

I think there may have been a misunderstanding about consistency and the 24-hour consequences. We’ve been consistent with the program. My son's out-of-control behavior included brief moments of bonding between consequences. When the kids make mistakes, they practice each skill three times. We pre-teach, do daily Bible study, daily family meetings, and weekly mentor meetings. We follow through with consequences. Since starting in December, things went smoothly for six months. My son faced the rule of 3, got angry, and was sometimes condescending, but the system worked, and he was learning.

In May, during a family meeting, the kids suggested a reward system, which we agreed to. But when my son almost earned a trip to Grandma’s but didn’t, he lost control, and things spiraled into a power struggle over the 24-hour consequences. My son, usually responsible, hardworking, helpful and respectful has a stubborn streak and quick temper. When upset, he escalates quickly, almost as if he blacks out, forgetting everything. He is only disrespectful during those moments. Those moments are now every other day.

Now, when I initiate the rule of 3, it triggers him and he is like a wild animal. He earns the consequences but forgets everything he does and blames me, seeing himself as a victim.

He’s been earning 24-hour consequences almost every other day, with brief moments of bonding in between. I feel like I’m drowning—over the past two months, I’ve neglected self-care, gained weight, and lost my calm. My mom and mother-in-law think I’m not giving him enough time to calm down, and they might be right because I feel a lot of resentment. I realize I’m not showing love with my eyes as I should. On the surface, I appear calm, but it’s a fake calm.

Another factor is my son’s intense focus on the Bible Bee, where he was the only one in our church to make Nationals. What used to be fine in daily Bible study now triggers him. We took a week off, and he was happy and respectful, but when we memorized a verse today, he lost control again. I’ve considered not going to Nationals, but When I prayed, I felt called to go.

The psychologist working with him suggested coloring to calm down, but I’m unsure about allowing that during the 24-hour consequence. What are your thoughts?
Mine are that the program worked until it didn’t.