Physical Restraint

Hi Nicholeen. My 6 year old son is really struggling – out of control. I am the father. His emotional reactions to me seem like they are legitimately mental health concern level – and I have a bit of experience with kids and dysregulation. It happens regularly nowadays where my wife is going somewhere and he is not able to go. Usually just an errand, but sometimes maybe something more fun with his 8 year old sister. Either way he will go absolutely back brain. Wailing, fighting tooth and nail to get to the door or to open a window to shout out, and then when the car is finally out of sight he'll just collapse in my arms and wail for a long time. Huge, huge emotions and hurt going on in this kid. My question is, how do I handle that type of behavior in the moment? Doing TSG outside the moment to learn the 4 basic skills and learning how to calm down. You talk about soft holds but that seems to really traumatize him and he will not settle. We have restrained him in his room before, but if we're in there with him he often is violent, and sometimes it's pretty hard to be in there with him because I have our 18 month old to care for. It feels like I have to somehow separate those two kids in a situation like that, but how can I without restraining the baby to his crib or my son in a locked room? (If my 8 year old is home she can often help with the baby). What do you suggest? I need to keep everyone safe – my son from running into the road and my baby from witnessing physical interactions like that between me and my 6 year old. I know de-escalation tactics, distraction, asking questions to trigger front brain, etc. But they just don't always work. Like, he needs to work through it and come down on his own. We do good pre-teaching I think – but when the moment comes he's just overcome. Let me know your thoughts!