Anger management

Hello,

How would you handle a pre-adoptive child with unrepentant anger toward a sibling? He struggles with holding grudges, dropping the subject, forgiving and letting things go. He seems to think it’s justified to bully and engage in other negative behaviors “because he’s mad”. We’ve talked about how this destroys family unity, we’ve talked about this mainly hurting him and all the energy it takes to avoid and stay angry at this other sibling. We’ve talked about how he would be a lot better off to work through problems and let things go, but it’s like he targets a sibling and then looks for things to justify his terrible attitude and feed it toward whoever his victim is at the time. I don’t know how to soften and change his heart or help him to understand. I’ve had enough of it though, and it’s hard to be excited about welcoming him into our family when he’s targeting family members and bullying them because he has a false sense of being wronged. Today it got so bad he told our daughter he hated her and loved everyone in the family but her, then excluded her and said he hates all white people besides… then named a couple of our kids. We’ve talked about how this isn’t a race thing, we talked about being image bearers and how we look at the heart, not skin color. This is a recurring issue and I’m losing patience with his grudge holding, anger, and bullying.