Family Dynamics 1

Good morning Nicholeen and TSG Family!

So, I was wondering if we could review a small incident in our family, and get some feedback.

Our oldest son, 16, struggling with diagnosed ADHD and with extreme opposition, is chronically late. These days, I pick which hill I am willing to die on, so, although I disagree with Mom's ways of being permissive or enabling his poor choices and behaviors, I've backed off of trying to get him to take responsibility for waking up with an alarm on his own and I observe when Mom tries to wake him up EVERY DAY (this typically takes 2-4 attempts daily, with Mom softly trying to wake him, and him raising his voice and saying "GET OUT!").

Yesterday, he was so late that he and his brother were both late to school. During the morning Mom was running around frantically trying to help him find his sports bag for track running practice after school, and anxiously asking if I had seen it. I suggested he simply use another pair of shoes and clothes since I knew that was an option. My wife asked him "Do you want to wear another pair of shoes and take other clothes?". This is a bit frustrating to me, as I know this is certainly not an instruction, and a passive permissive question that leads to a typical response from our son, which is that he doesn't have any other shoes or clothes and NEEDS his sports bag. He fixates on things and seems unable to drop a subject so far.

Anyhow, they leave. I was taking our 10 year old daughter to school now, since we have agreed to take turns with the shorter drive (daughter 5 minute drive, and boys 30 minute drive, for a total of 1 hour both ways). I asked my wife to do this, because I felt it was unhealthy for me and our other son, to experience our oldest son's aggression and behavior towards me 5 days a week, and I wanted to have more opportunities to bond with our daughter. I also felt I needed a boundary and I believe this change has been good.

I did have a small issue to deal with, with our daughter yesterday morning, because she didn't want to wear a jacket even though it was cold outside. I was able to successfully use TSG with her, and although she wasn't happy and reverted to whining and complaining, a consequence was chosen, we drove to school and I had a nice parent counseling session with her later in the day and she showed maturity and understanding.

Back to Mom and the boys….after Mom got to work, she called me (incidentally, she's asked me not to call or text her about parenting