Boundaries with High School Senior

Hello Nicolene, We've been doing Teaching Self-Government since 2019. Our son, who's a senior in high school that just turned 18, was addicted to porn. He has just within the last few months been able to quit. This program and especially the weekly meetings have been such a lifesaver for him.

I found out that he has been having boundary issues with the girl that he likes. I saw something he wrote that he said she put his hand on her private parts and that he's OK with that. He said if she wants more he does too. I think that we need to discuss what his views on abstinence are and his boundaries. I previously talked to him about moving someone's hand away if they lead it to private body parts. However, he obviously did not follow that advice Also, he knows that we don't allow him to be in the room alone with a girl and I told him not to walk away alone during youth group or other functions. (this is a rule at the group). At a party with several families this weekend, I found that they were in her van getting presents out that she had brought. They were both sitting in the van. They said the door was open the whole time, but I only saw them exiting. We haven't discussed it yet, and I'm looking for advice on how to discuss abstinence with him.

Also he texts the girl all day even while doing homework. If he's going to be gone for a few hours, he texts her so she won't be worried. My husband and I both feel that he needs to set a boundary on the amount of time to text her or let her know there's times he's not available.