step child

I have a step daughter michelle (13) who has begged to live with her mother to avoid consequences. She has been at her mother since th middle of may. She visits and talks about her mother and then when she goes to mother she talk about me. Her mother then sends messages to my husband about michelle has said. when michelle is confronted about the gossip she lies because she is embarrassed and blames her mother.When she visits she plays aggressive with the pets and little brother who is (9) uses other people's things gets into things secretly and is mean I have no desire to have a relationship with her. I don't trust her in anyway. My children don't want to be around her. I don't feel that i can have a relationship with her. I know she is a child of god and i am praying to have a soft heart and love and forgive her. The way I feel when I know she might be around is panicky and anxiety.
My husband asked if she could come sit at the house for a few hours until her church activity starts. I didn't want to buy i agreed to have go to a park for a few hours to avoid her bullying others , getting into things and the overall awkward feeling in the home. I am feel stuck. I love my husband and I am willing to help him. His other child is a major burden on me as well taking away much of my time from my children at home. I feel my husbands lack of income is also causing me to have to have to look for income outside the home and that takes away from my role as a mother too. I don't want to resent my husband for all the burden that he has placed on me. He says his life is so much more peaceful with me in it i feel the opposite sometimes . I had peace before i became a step mom. I am wondering if my husband is autistic &adhd because he seems stuck in being to provide financially. He is very kind and i feel he has helped me heal and trust and feel safe in many ways. I just have so much confusion and frustration. your program gives me hope. thank you