You make me …

Hello Nicholeen!
My husband and my oldest daughter, who is nine years old, say very often: “You make me…” And most of the time, it is MAD.
They both get angry a lot for not getting their way.
How do I explain to her that I don’t make her mad? It is a choice in her head.
Are these the steps she needs to take in her mind?
1. Calming Thoughts
2. Release anger safety
3. Problem solve
And she knows to walk away if there is something that makes her feel angry.
But she tends to control people because she is the oldest of three children, and her father is also controlling. How do I correct that?
Thank you very much!