School Trouble

Hi Nicholeen!

First, I just want to thank you for sharing your life-changing program with parents all over the world.

My question is about major school trouble with one of our children. Our other three children do well and are happy in school, but our 12 year-old son has always been frequently in trouble with teachers and administrators for being disruptive in class, not being where he’s supposed to be, breaking school rules, not tucking in his uniform shirt even after being asked repeatedly, etc. We’ve considered that maybe the traditional public school model is just not a good fit for him. He’s very athletic and energetic and also loves to socialize, so he finds it extremely difficult to sit through lectures or worksheets that he has no interest in. But my husband and I both work full-time so homeschooling is not an option for us. We’ve looked into alternative educational settings, but the tuition for private schools here in Southern California is outrageously expensive.

We recently attended your three-day workshop and have begun using the teaching self government scripts in earnest with all our children. It has made a TREMENDOUS difference at home for this particular child when we correct him lovingly, calmly, and consistently rather than shaming or berating when he behaves or speaks in ways that are rude, disrespectful, or hurtful within our family.

However, I’m not sure how to help him make a turnaround at school as well. He has lots of friends, so he likes going to school for the social aspect. But I feel like he has come to view himself as “the kid who always gets into trouble,” and views his relationship with teachers and advisors as “them against me.”

We have talked ad nauseam to him about the connection between choices and consequences, and how if he makes a choice to break a rule or be disrespectful at school it will result in negative consequences like detention and in-school suspension. I’ll think we’ve just gotten through to him and then the next day he’ll get another detention. We’re not sure what to do at this point or how to help him.
We would be so grateful for any insights you can share.