Question re: accommodations for sensory needs or autism

Our child doesn’t have an official diagnoses, but we suspect our eldest 13 is on the spectrum and struggles with looking people in the eyes. I do want her to look at us while using the skills to build connection with herself and family which I notice is lacking. She has also been in tears, claiming sensory needs over washing dishes or compacting the garbage. We have offered solutions like using a paper towel or other object over the trash to push it down, but that still wasn’t good enough for her and completely shut down. I just can’t tell how much is normal 13-year-old teen behavior not wanting to do certain chores and being overall defiant of the program and how much is legitimate sensory needs. Her aunts that live with her have expressed concern with the program “forcing” her to look at us not taking into account her being on the spectrum. What is your experience with using this program for children on the spectrum?