Psychotherapy, unclogging toilets and having modern progressive mom given instructions
Recently, we had a rough patch with our son—he got aggressive and even threatened me. We managed, but it led me to reach out to a therapist recommended by a previous counselor, hoping for insight from someone with experience in ADHD and challenging behaviors. I was also hoping to provide my wife with a new perspective, as she often prefers a more modern, progressive approach.
On the way to the consult, we talked about what we should aim to get from it, even if it ended up as a one-off. We agreed that finding a plan we could both follow for handling our son’s extreme behaviors was the top priority.
The therapist had some interesting insights. For one, he mentioned that, in his 30 years of experience, he often sees an authoritative parent behind kids with oppositional tendencies. He also suggested that we try to be more unified in discipline, with my wife taking on more of that role to reduce the conflict aimed at me. While I didn’t fully agree with some of his points on parenting styles, I liked the idea of encouraging my wife to handle more discipline.
Later that day, while packing for a family weekend, we encountered an opportunity to teach and unify. Our oldest left a clogged toilet—complete with poop and toilet paper—and we found ourselves in a “parental huddle.” I used it as a chance to put the therapist’s advice into practice, so I asked my wife how she’d like to handle it. This led to her critiquing my TSG approach (which I calmly accepted while disagreeing appropriately). All signs pointed to our oldest as the culprit, but no one was confessing After asking our 3 children.
Eventually, my wife decided she’d unclog the toilet herself to avoid more tension. I felt a bit guilty, wondering if I should’ve done it, but I let her take the lead. She then asked our son to help, which turned into a funny experience, complete with applause for his newfound toilet-plunging skills.
It wasn’t ideal from my perspective, but it was a start. It got Mom involved in discipline and let our son face a natural consequence in a lighthearted way.
The weekend brought more “huddles,” as my wife took on more responsibility with our oldest, getting him up for mass and having him help with chores like his younger siblings.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on trying this modified approach, with Mom handling some discipline in her way while I maintain my approach. The goal is more balance and less conflict with our son.