Parent/child relationship

When you recognize your child doesn't have respect for you, how do you repair the relationship? I have a 16 y.o. who has had defiance issues for as long as I can recall. I have been suffering with "Survival mode" longterm, so it's always been about "just getting through today". I'm at a place where I'm trying to be more intentional and I want to work at repairing this, so we can have a loving, healthy relationship and her heart will be more open.
I'm reading through, " Parenting A House United",where I read the example you shared about if you had to choose between a made bed and a respectful relationship, you would choose the relationship. Can you paint a picture of what that might look like? I feel like your example might be more of an occasional hiccup, where my situation is more frequent, if that helps.

Thank you for your wisdom!