Getting involved with disrespect towards the other parent

Hello Nicholeen,

I have been continuing the daily work of implementing TSG in my life and in our family (Albeit slower than I envisioned and would like). My wife continues to be more modern progressive and permissive. If our oldest 16-year-old son disrespects me, I have found myself in a better place in terms of governing myself, remaining calm and implementing calm parenting with him and correcting him and using consequences. With Mom however, he gets argumentative and disrespectful with her in terms of tone and word choice, and one of the things that my wife has complained about, is that I then get involved with their interactions and not let her parent her own way. There have been times where I’ve found myself wanting to correct him, but giving myself a no answer and holding off because of this. I see the positive in letting her parent her own way, and our family having contrast between two different styles of parenting and teaching (she might say don’t talk to me like that, but there’s never a consequence, so the behavior repeats often). I also see that it allows me to not be the only enforcer of the family, and also reduces the amount of times that our son would be out of instructional control, because if he behaved in the same way towards me, that would be the likely outcome.

I do wonder, however, if this is the best way of handling this on an ongoing basis, in the type of situation that we are currently in (one TSG parent and one modern progressive or permissive parent). Or, should I correct always, and more consistently, even if Mom is not on board and even if it creates more tension between our children and myself, because they may continue to interpret that I am the one doing something wrong or being too strict, whereas Mom is more loving and supportive?

Thank you!