Gaslighting victim mentality

I apologize Nicholeen but I submitted my last question when it was incomplete. I can often get caught up in the tangent of the situations but the situation is not so much important as that in every situation my son has a victim mentality, and gaslights people when he does something wrong. He does this so much that he could seriously harm a person but only remember the harm people have done in retaliation to him, and he will not take responsibility for his actions if he perceives that he was wronged. We have been describing, preteaching, and correcting all the time, taking him on dates, implementing our mission, doing daily Bible study and that had changed so much and has helped so much, but it is not working any more. More recently, he has been negatively attention seeking during preteaches making each preteach stretch for hours. We have our individual meetings, and that drags on too. He is definitely loving the attention, it’s not always negative, sometimes he is just asking questions but it definitely makes it so we can’t practice doing things the right way like I want him to. I will model it, roleplay it, and he will still do it incorrectly, for example he will add a eye roll, or talk in a condescending tone during the practice. I show him different tones and have him spot the difference but he can’t seem to.

Do you have a service, like a person that will do preteaches with kids? Do you have advice on how to be more effective in the preteaches. He has now refused to practice the situation if it is fake, gotten emotionally worked up on fake situations, not be able to identify facial cues or tone. He treats his sister like she is inferior and has negatively impacted her self esteem , and when we spot it we correct, but he continues. My husband thinks my son is playing dumb and having fun on others expense. I don’t know? Could he be clueless about tones, facial cues, and really not even be able to practice things the right way? I am willing to spend the time to work with him, and have committed hours to this but I think it is fueling his negative attention seeking. I am calmly correcting and giving extra chores, but he still refuses to practice things the right way. When I initiate the rule of 3, it is a stopping point, but he claims that he really can not tell the tones and people are frustrating. You have mentioned that he could be on the spectrum, and I think that is a possibility. What do I do? He still needs these skills.