Constant LOPs

Hi!

We're struggling with TSG. We have an 8 and 6 year old, both with ADHD and the 6 year old exemplifies ODD right now too. He is in a constant state of Loss of Privileges. He'll have to start his 2 hours over multiple times often, and the idea of a new one doesn't even seem to touch him when he's wound up, and he'll be right back through the rule of three or violent to the point of needing to be restrained and earn another LOP. He seems to go straight to back brain, like his brain isn't even processing the cause and effect. He seems to understand during the SODAS exercises but can't execute it in the moment. We know the negative consequences aren't the primary tool of change, so we're trying to work on the skills too, but another thing is that he dislikes praise, and sometimes if I praise him for something, he'll actually reverse it, because he's so set on being oppositional. We've been doing this for about two months.

How does ADHD affect things? It seems like since the LOPs are happening so often that we're doing something wrong. Also, the LOPs are very time-consuming for us at this age, and we can't keep up. We also have our 8 year old who also goes out of control and earns LOPs weekly. All while managing our 18 month old. Is there anything different you recommend for situations like this? We're trying to execute the consequences diligently with kindness and we're also heavy on acceptance and reintegration and celebration when they choose to leave their rooms and start their loss of privileges, or when they make it through a trigger that has sent them out of control in the past. We talk about our family mission regularly, and the kids know the things that will come, even in the short term, with controlled behavior. Right now we almost never leave the house with them, because it's not really safe for anyone when they go out of control so regularly, so they know controlled behavior will mean trips out.

As parents, one of us tends towards modern progressive and one towards bully fear. We are trying to give 100% structure/boundaries and 100% nurture/acceptance. But we surely both make mistakes.

Based on what I've said, do we forge ahead? Or are we doing something wrong?

Thank you, thank you.