Conscious Parenting

Hello Nicholeen!

I recently finished a book, The Parenting Map by Dr. Shefali. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with her or the conscious parenting philosophy (I would bet you are!).

Anyhow, I found the book to be very enlightening and interesting. My wife read it once and said she wants to read it again. She has not been on board with the TSG method yet, and she used this book as a reference to a different and better way. I like to consider all strategies, and also saw it as an opportunity for us to find common ground and connect more moving forward (She has been more permissive or modern progressive and I have moved from more bully fear based to now learning TSG skills myself and implementing slowly with the family).

I found some wonderful strategies and steps in the book, the parenting map, for myself first and foremost to continue my own journey and inner work. When it came to consequences, I felt it kind of missed the mark and didn’t go further than pointing out that natural consequences are the best way for children and people to learn, and that we as parents should allow them to experience their own natural consequences. Aside from my disagreement on this, I do feel that it’s more effective to use some artificial consequences when natural consequences are not immediately apparent, and may not be felt until years down the road. In addition, since my wife shields are children from natural consequences, I also feel that it’s more effective if I pick opportunities to use the TSG method of some artificial consequences, so that our children learn and practice choosing positive or negative consequences (even if they are not natural). Also, I feel our children’s choices often prevent our family to function well, and natural consequences may not be enough or clear.

Anyhow, how would you respond to someone who feels it is our duty as parents to simply connect with our children, let them feel heard, be supportive of them and just wait for natural consequences, as opposed to a more traditional strict TSG type method with artificial consequences in the mix?

Thank you!