Clarifying question

In one of the answers to my previous questions you mentioned that I should have given myself a no answer and let my son have the blanket. I felt no attachment to the blanket and could have easily, but he also did nothing to earn the blanket and he could have waited. I'm grappling with a dilemma: previously, we discussed my son's high anxiety and his tendency to manage his surroundings instead of his internal responses. We touched upon the issue of roles, noting how parents of children like mine often dread meltdowns to the point where they too start manipulating the child's environment. I confess, I'm guilty of this. It does ward off meltdowns, but it doesn't teach him to handle no answers.

Moreover, controlling his environment has become unfeasible with the arrival of our new baby. Previously, I'd visit an average of three museums daily, switching themes due to his poor adaptability to transitions. I've kept strict schedules for snacks and meals every two hours to stabilize his blood sugar. I cook 3 separate meals every mealtime to ensure everyone got the meal they wanted. Our daily activities, homeschooling methods, playtime, and even family vacations have been tailored to his interests.

In the past, I might have followed my mother-in-law's approach – washing the blanket instead of postponing bedtime or simply giving it to him – but we're striving to evolve as parents. We aim to teach him about roles and how to accept no answers . Having a 7 month old has complicated matters further, as we now must consider the baby's nap schedules and can't always cater to his whims. Despite these challenges, I strive to keep homeschooling enjoyable. We've been "travel schooling," recently spending two weeks in California at SeaWorld, and now we're in Hawaii, where I'm dedicated to creating engaging lessons. I agree with you that my son is likely on the spectrum. His meltdowns are intense, spanning through days and hours which is why I’ve worked so hard to avoid them. I want to create a fun atmosphere, foster his interests and love for learning, while also maintaining my role as mom.

To what extent should I continue ensuring timely meals, regulating temperatures, and controlling other environmental factors for a child with high anxiety and a strong will? Where do we draw the line in modifying the environment for him? His tantrums can last hours, and while at home we have spaces for him to calm down, it's a different story when we travel.