Chores for more serious behavior

Hi Nicholeen,

We are making progress! The other night my five year old hit a can of soda with a balloon and so naturally in his mind he may as well dump the rest of the can out on the kitchen table. That type of behavior is definitely a trigger for me but I fought the desire to react in anger and forced myself to stay calm and loving. He cooperated and managed to accept his consequence which meant cleaning up soda for about a half hour. We also did some sodas about soda 😉 What started as a trigger ended with me being so proud of him for staying calm and accepting his consequences. These types of things help me to really get it and gain confidence. Thank you!

Here’s my question. Are there some things you recommend pre-teaching a bigger consequence than an extra chore? I know walking away during rule of 3 is an example. My extra chores can be pretty light and even though my 5 year old is making a lot of progress with calmness, he’s also starting to test boundaries with hitting and destructive behavior, thanks to seeing some other kids’ examples recently. I considering if he’s out of control he will quickly earn the consequences that he needs, but I’m wondering how difficult a regular extra chore should be at age 5, 8, 10? It feels hollow to see him do something destructive and then go tell him to do something easy, and I’m worried it might reinforce that he can get away with anything while he’s testing these boundaries.

Follow up: Any resources you’d recommend for teaching young children chores?