Autism

I have asked for advice before, and each time, you mention that my son might be on the autism spectrum. I do not want to get him diagnosed but I do want him to receive help. He is very gifted, with a photographic memory and full auditory recall, which masks many of his autistic tendencies. He remembers verbatim anything negative said to him. We homeschool, so he has few negative interactions, and I only allow him to hang out with uplifting and encouraging kids. However, he still remembers a small remark my cousin made when he was 4 and is still angry about it at 8.

This month has been particularly tough. We are studying for the National Bible Bee, which he loves and works on non-stop for 6-10 hours a day. He is unwilling to do other commitments like school, camps, and housework because he is so focused on the Bible Bee, leading to constant power struggles. We have tried the rule of three, but he has not accepted any consequences for ten days. He is calm when we study the Bible Bee, but it becomes a power struggle for anything else.

In the last ten days, he has done very few chores. He is out of instructional control, not listening to any instructions, which prevents me from starting the 24-hour rule. Every day has been a power struggle, with him shouting at me. My husband works from home, and this negatively impacts his work during meetings. I tried to remain calm, but eventually, I lost it, slapped him, and told him he was the worst son and treated me poorly. I screamed at him, then apologized, knowing he will remember this forever. I don't want him to internalize this, but I am struggling with how to handle an autistic son who seeks approval and love but behaves inappropriately. How do you manage a child so stubborn that he can go ten days without accepting consequences? He defies instructions, screams and cries for hours, and glares at me even when I try to stay calm. I feel overwhelmed, resorting to eating chocolates at night, while he screams in his room until he falls asleep on the floor after 12am. It feels like a vicious cycle we can’t escape. When he is calm, he can rationalize everything, and for every skill he makes a mistake on, we practice three times. He has done hundreds of sodas and your children’s books memorized verbatim. My mother-in-law says the way we do TSG is too militaristic which I replied that we are doing it wrong if it is militaristic because I’m suppose to say I love you with my eyes, but man, it’s getting hard to do that.