Application

My 8 year old son has all 4 children books word for word memorized, can recite the 4 major skills perfectly: he has all the scripture that goes with our family motto, standards, and vision memorized, and when he is calm does a perfect SODA, perfect pre-teaches. Like 5 minutes before we have to leave somewhere we will practice leaving and he does it perfectly, but when it comes to leaving there is a melt down. When it comes to the application of the skills, it’s not implemented well. It seems like twice a week he earns the rule of 3. If I pre teach him real situations it leads to an outburst so I’ve been switching it up as suggested from previous calls. This week he has missed out on a birthday party, scavenger hunt, a concert, and candies during that time. He was disrespectful and mean so we couldn’t start the consequences for a long long time. His consequences, negatively impacts the entire family. We usually have plans almost everyday with friends and we have had to cancel play dates and fun things. I feel like it’s not sinking in though. Sometimes if I am particularly excited for a plan, I’ll hesitate to dish out the consequences, and so it has become a power struggle of sorts. Is it more a punishment for me or him? I like doing things, we homeschool and I enjoy the adventures.

In the past three months he has earned 30, 24 hours of no privileges. We spent our 3 month Hawaii trip mostly doing chores. When he is calm, he happily helps, and he has learned a lot of useful chores, but he isn’t getting it. When he is calm, he can rationalize through a SODA, but in the moment he can’t seem to control his emotions. No matter what, he says he didn’t earn it and I gave it to him. He doesn’t take ownership. I try to do 5 positive praises, for every one negative. I am calm, I am thinking I love you when he spirals, but he just isn’t getting it. He loses it every time he earns any of the major 3. He loses it almost every time there is a no answer. I use to just say yes all the time, but I know it’s not good for him. In the past, I have taken him to amusement parks and stuff during the 24 hours, but I have been really consistent for the past three months. He even said that I use to be a much better mom. The truth is my life is much easier if I just do everything he wants when he wants it, because then he is happy and helpful, and the entire family is happy. I feel like this is a power struggle for the long haul and I am losing.