alternative wording for “out of instructional control”

So is there another way to say "out of instructional control"? My husband (who is very supportive of TSG) feels this rubs him and my 17 y/o daughter the wrong way and gives the wrong impression. The words "instructional control" sound like I am trying to manipulate my children to obey me when in reality I do want them to feel like they can choose, and the purpose of self-government is more for them to choose to be in SELF control. I understand that the Rule of 3 is supposed to be a stopping place to get calm and in control of themselves on the inside so they can use their skills and communicate respectfully. I also understand that the meaning behind the words "out of instructional control" is that a person cannot or will not follow instructions, that they are choosing not to direct themselves and nobody else is able to give them instructions either. This means they are not in control of themselves and are not able to solve their problems because they are in their feeling brain and not their thinking brain.
I understand all that, but the actual words "instructional control" still give the impression in the moment that I am the one trying to control them. Is there other verbiage that could be used prior to starting the Rule of 3, especially with an almost adult child?
Could something like this work? "It seems to me that you might be out of control and not able to direct yourself or follow directions from anyone else right now. You might have moved out of your thinking brain and into your feeling brain, so I'm going to give you some instructions to help you get back into your thinking brain so you can solve your problems…"
Or maybe could I say "out of self control" or "struggling to govern yourself" or maybe simply "out of control", so that it conveys better the purpose of initiating the Rule of 3? I'd love to have your thoughts on this. Thank you.