4 skills and older children

I found TSG when my 4th child was 17 and very distanced from us and spent all of her time in her room when she was not at school. She would always close the door and not engage with us at all. I explained to her one day when we were at dinner about the skills and how I would start doing things at home. She laughed in my face and although I continued to try this with her she would just shut the door in my face. We struggled through her last year of high school and now she is in college and still mostly avoids us unless she wants money. I am using the skills and all of TSG with my youngest son who is 16 and it has been so effective. I am not sure how to deal with our daughter when she comes home from college, because we do have expectations in the home and a standard we follow – do I still try to use the skills with her? She is not pleasant to be around, she will not be nice to her brother (who is adopted) and does not help around the home at all, spends most of her time on the phone – how do I manage this? It is a big strain on our whole family to be around her. I would love your advice because I just don't know how to be calm and kind with her when she is so oppositional to all things we do and ask.