14 year old with ODD & anxiety

Hello, I will try my best to put a question here but I would ideally like a 1 on 1 session if you do any of those and that's because we have a whole history of issues with our now 14 year old which would take too long to go into here but I feel that without you knowing the background of our current and past issues it would be hard for you to give the best advice you can. But just to give you a bit of background information, myself, my husband and our eldest daughter who is 14,(we have a younger daughter who is 8) started professional family counselling around 2 years ago out of desperation as we have struggled with parenting our eldest in particular(it has been a bit easier with the youngest due to learning from some of our past mistakes and I believe also a bit of a difference in temperament in the youngest). We came across your videos and books just before Christmas and we have started applying some of the practises and have found helpful. Kesia our eldest, was diagnosed also around Christmas time with ODD and anxiety by our counsellor. We need help coming up with a plan to help us move forward with her and behaviours that we find unacceptable ie; being disrespectful in the way she speaks to us, using derogatory comments towards us and her sister, saying very strong things like I hate you, I hope you get cancer and dye or go kill yourselves, missing family meals when she is in the house and devotionals, etc. She has also been Physically abusive towards her sister which has caused us and our counsellor to seriously consider sending her away for a long period of time. This could be staying with my sister which she lives about 4 hours away. Now I am and have always been very hesitant to go ahead with this (as we have considered it in the past as well) as I'm afraid that this could back fire and as I also already feel extremely guilty and responsible( not entirely but more than anyone else) I also do not feel I can go forwards with this plan and so that leaves us very few options. We are going to be getting with our counsellor in a couple of weeks to discus our plan but I totally value the self government teachings and practices and would love your input in our plan. Not much more I can add here so I look forward to hearing from you and the call on Wednesday. Thank you
Lwena