TSG Principles

familyAttitude

Talking To Teenagers: Three Tips


Nicholeen, I can’t seem to correct my 16 year old son without him getting upset. He rolls his eyes and looks away from me. He just seems to have a wall surrounding him that none of us can penetrate. I know I am not the calmest parent either, but there must be something I can say to get his attention or something.

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Nose

They Can Smell It: Parenting Videos

Have you ever heard that old phrase about how dogs can “smell fear?” Well, dogs aren’t the only ones who can smell fear; children can too. Children know the moment they have you. They know when mom is out of ideas and dad is ready to explode. They know.



All people are born with this kind of sense about other people, so it is natural for children to consider it as valuable as seeing or tasting.

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family laughing

Way To Be: Optimism

“How do you maintain optimism in a depressing world? How do you teach your children to do the same?”

A Not-So-Pretend Story

[Another day of oatmeal for breakfast. I know it’s healthy, but some variety in our diet would be nice. When will the bills stop coming in? Medical bills, living expenses, debts we can’t pay. Don’t think about the money.

“Mom, can we go to the children’s museum? Mom, will you buy me a treat?”

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video game boy

Video Games Addiction: They Are Asking for Help

“How do you parent a child who is red/yellow when you are a white/blue? My son and I are so entirely different and he’s so impulsive (almost destructive) that it completely shakes my world. I often find him sneaking downstairs and turning on the Wii (which we only permit on Friday and Saturday as a privilege).

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Child Hitting

Practicing The Right Way: Cause And Effect Parenting For Toddlers Who Hit And Others

Cause and effect is learned more effectively when the consequences, positive and negative, are practiced first. The example below is geared toward a parent with a toddler, but the principles can be applied to all ages and situations which need to be practiced and understood more.

“My two year old daughter likes to hit. She hits me, she hits my husband and she even hit’s the baby. No matter what I do nothing seems to work. Reasoning doesn’t really work with a two year old, so I am at a loss for what to do about this. I know I need to do something.”

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Real Control! -Help For Parents

So many people ask me how to control their out of control children… A man I really admire named Jeffrey Holland said, “…the only real control in life is self control.” I couldn’t agree more. You can control the settings on your computer, and control the television choices that come into your home. You can control all the things on your Family Standard and you can control what your family eats for dinner, but you can’t control another person. No matter how hard you try and how much power you try to look like you have, the only person you can control is yourself. Since that is the case, we should capitalize on that power we have to control ourselves, or govern ourselves. If we

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Teaching Honesty: What About Gray Area?

“Just wondering what you do when a child denies doing something like this even though you know it was them or else they try to deceive you about it even though they know that no punishment will be given out for their mistake or wrongdoing if they are honest about it. How do you confront them and have them face up to their failures and take responsibility for their actions? My ds10 will get defensive whenever he does something wrong or makes a mistake he then will usually compound this by trying to lie or deceive his way out of it to save face. We end up punishing him for the lying and deceit when really it should have be a non issue if he had just been honest.””Any suggestions?”

There are three steps to handling this situation.

Step one; Make sure you are not accusing, but that you look and feel safe to talk to. 

Step two: Pre-teach the situation before you say anything………….”Right now _________ just happened. I am going to ask you about your actions. If you choose to be honest about your actions you will not earn any negative consequences. (or you could have a positive consequence in place for being honest) However, if you are not honest then you will choose to earn

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Negative Consequence Rutt: Parenting Tips

“My two oldest boys, ages 8 and 7 are really giving me a run………..I know that if I stay strong, it will all pay off.
We have a family mission statement, we have a job jar, we have been roll playing. They know what our “standards” are.
My 7 year old has had discipline “issues” for 1 and 1/2 weeks consistently every morning during “school time”. He gets so frustrated with me when I calmly let him know that he earned another “consequence” I make sure and tell him that I love him and I wish that he could join us for privileged free time. He assures me that he will try harder but the same things keep happening over and over. He is 7 and very wiggly and dreamy, and distracted. He even has been swearing which is NOT our family standard! I try to explain to him that if he has good control over his body and mouth during school time, he will earn privileges, but he just doesn’t learn…………Any tips?”

It sounds like you are doing pretty well at creating an environment for self-government in your home.

I hope your son is doing better now. If not read pages 66-69 in my book Parenting A House United. I am guessing you have it. This section goes over motivation for children who get themselves in a rutt.

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Depressed Teenager: Hope For Happiness

I have attended your classes at home school conferences and bought the mp3;s.  I am currently purchasing your book, however, I am in crisis.  I have a 17 rd old son that has  been homeschooled since fourth grade.  We originally took him out due to severe depression.  This is something he struggles with.  He has always done well in school.  He went to the public high school for his freshman year.  He was top of the class academically but he hated every minute of it and we allowed him to come back to home school for the past two years.  

About six months ago I could see that he was clinically depressed and we found a counselor to help us through that.  It turns out he was introduced to pornography at school and became addicted and the guilt has caused him to lose about a year of his life.  We are dealing with this issue and he is doing very well and continues to receive counseling with us.  

The crisis is that he cant make a decision about anything in his life and he seems to have no self control.  He wants us to tell him every little thing to do and takes no responsibility.  He takes 8 hours to do simple science due to the fact that if I walk out of his earshot he will immediately waste time doing anything else.  It is so frustrating that we have to literally babysit him and that he needs us to.  I am at my wits end with him and feel like throwing in the towel and sending him to boarding school.  Of course, my rational mind knows that I must clean up this mess with him and no one else.  
Can you please give me some direction on how to get this kid to take back his life and not put us in  the position of jailers.

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Order at Home

One of my passions is astronomy. When I go out in my backyard and look through my telescope at my friends, the planets and stars, I feel so close to God. Not because heaven is in space, but because it is so obvious there is organization in all things. He is a God of order; with everything in it’s perfect place. Everything has a purpose; a mission. Since He is order in all we see it only makes sense that people should live by order too.

Just like laws and principles govern the skies and the earth, there are laws meant to govern us as well. That is why we have chosen to apply governing rules to our home too. We feel like there is no better example of how to run a home than the way God runs our world; the current home for His family.

Our family has a set structure. We have certain meetings each week to strengthen the family relationships and keep the home in order. The meetings we have are

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School Problems ~When The Classroom Comes Home

“I have a 5 year old son that is in kindergarten.  He loves school because of all his friends there…  Unfortunately with school I see him still coming home with some bad habits that we must work to break.  I think his teacher is great but with all the kids in the class she can’t be expected to enforce/reward self-government principles.  My concern is that he is getting confused with discipline at home and less discipline at school.  How do you address this issue with your kids?”

It is hard to have a child come home from school with behaviors you need to break all the time.

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Life Advice With Self-Government Principles: Teaching Self-Government to Anyone, Not Just Children

My friend Jason Alba sent me this link to a great article about inspiring self-government in people in your community or sphere of influence. 

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/51538 

“…I hope you will discipline yourselves and your fellow students. This request is in keeping with my commitment to self-government for students. It should not be up to me to enforce proper behavior that signifies the intelligence of Duke students. You should do it. Reprove those who make us all look bad. Shape up your own language…”  -Duke President Terry Sanford

The whole thing is really worth reading.  I hope you take the chance. 

Coach Sanford did some great things here.  He

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