Toddlers (0-4)

Hudson four and one half inches with name (2)

Hudson The Great!- Video of 3 Year Old Learning Self-Government

Effective Parenting

Recently my friend, David Perry, the renown film maker, invited me to his home to teach his family self-government. The Perrys have two active young boys ages five and three. They are quickly becoming self-government experts.

This is a recent video of Hudson, age three, explaining

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cryingToddler

The Crying Game

I love working with and playing with my children. But, the crying game is a game I don’t play. Many children treat the crying behavior as if it is part of a game. They are able to go in and out of the crying game all day long whenever they see it can benefit them. Children often cry simply to get attention. I know it is hard for many parents to discern whether their child is seeking attention or not. Here is a true story which is meant to help clear up some of that confusion.

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boyOnTimeOut

Toddler Tantrums: Positive Parenting Solutions

Nicholeen, Your peaceful parenting methods obviously work so well with older children and troubled teenagers. But, I have a house full of little children. Each day I face terrible twos, three year old tantrums, and four year old tantrums. Can children this young learn to govern themselves too? Answer: How ToStopTantrums This article is NOT

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ToddlerTantrum

Toddler Tantrums At The Most Inconvenient Times!


“But, what do you do when they are screaming, and it’s time to walk out the door?” a father asked me at a recent conference. “My strong willed three year old son is very difficult at those times.”



I looked at this wonderfully dedicated father, and felt his frustration. Who hasn’t felt the anxiety build when a child has a tantrum right when you are leaving for church or leaving for work?

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BJandMEMini

Interiew With Nicholeen Peck: Strict Parenting

BJ Stober, family therapist and hostess of Family Voice Talk Radio, interviewed Nicholeen Peck on April 19, 2012 about strict parenting. This is a link to the audio/video version of the show.



Nicholeen discussed different ways to parent and how what to focus on in order to break bad parenting habits.



Be sure to listen for the 10 Things Parents Need To Know to teach their children self-government.

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happy toddler hat

Accepting No After Disagreeing Appropriately

“I’ve been using the 4 basic skills with my children, ages 7 and 4. It has been such a help. Thank you, Nicholeen!

But I’m not sure what to do to help my 4 yo understand the concept of
disagree appropriately. It seems too complex for her. She will go
through the script and ask to dis. app. and do it, but she seems
genuinely confused that she doesn’t always get her way when she does
this. I try to let her get her way as much as possible when she

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Video: Two Year Old, Sam, Teaches The Four Basic Skills

Read about this amazing video on the next page! [video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEV-1UcyooQ&feature=player_embedded] Last week I asked for you to send me copies of some of the things you have done to implement Self-Government into your homes. The things I recieved were amazing! I can't wait until they are all available to you. In the mean time, take

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Child Hitting

Practicing The Right Way: Cause And Effect Parenting For Toddlers Who Hit And Others

Cause and effect is learned more effectively when the consequences, positive and negative, are practiced first. The example below is geared toward a parent with a toddler, but the principles can be applied to all ages and situations which need to be practiced and understood more.

“My two year old daughter likes to hit. She hits me, she hits my husband and she even hit’s the baby. No matter what I do nothing seems to work. Reasoning doesn’t really work with a two year old, so I am at a loss for what to do about this. I know I need to do something.”

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mother reading to child

Parenting Three Year Olds: They Really Understand

Many people ask me when they should start teaching their children self government skills.  It is never too early to start talking in a deliberate, describing way or to teach the word “okay.”  Even the words “disagree appropriately” can be understood by most youngsters. My little almost 3 year old just asked if she could

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How Do I Nurse A Baby And Handle The Rest Of The Children Too?

If you have ever had a baby, you know how hard feeding time can be.

I just had my 3rd baby and my oldest is turning 3 in a week and a half. This means that nursing the baby has become one of the most stressful times for me. I’ve been wondering to myself how I will ever stay sane if I can’t properly deal with the issues of the older 2 every time I nurse.
I love your idea of reading to the older kids while nursing the baby. I’ll try that one next time Zeke needs to eat. :)
Thanks for sharing this great advice.

I remember those years nursing and having toddlers. Those are hard times!!! There just aren’t enough arms and your thoughts get all jumbled up because of the noise and stress of it all. Obviously you should try to keep as calm as you can for the milk to be good and calming for the baby. I also know that is easier said than done.

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Brave Parenting: Being Too Soft

Can parents actually be too soft?  Isn’t love and affection always the answer?  If a parent isn’t being soft aren’t they being angry?  I often have parents ask me about children who are really emotional.  They say things like, “…she is really sensitive.”  or “…he has a tender heart.”  I know there are different personalities

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“Mom is on the phone” ~Discipline Problem

 

“I do struggle and maybe you could give me some advice.  I spend quite a bit of time with my kids in the morning going over little activities like school workbooks and story time and exercising together.  Yet the minute I get on the phone or sit down to nurse the baby, the three boys are arguing or fighting or taking toys from each other or something of the sort.  I have tried to get them to color or do a certain activity together, but that only lasts so long.  It’s hard to discipline when you are nursing the baby.
 
        I know I have a bit of post-pardom and always feel like I am always nursing the baby or disciplining my children.  I have felt discouraged with my 3 boys behavior and realize some of their actions comes from mom spending so much time with the new little one.  Do you have any tips or suggestions for me on how to best help teach my boys and solve the problems.”

 

 

J You hit a common discipline problem right on the head.  I would like to meet a mother who can have a 30 minute phone conversation and not have things fall apart a little bit.  My one hopeful thought to you is that as they grow, they learn to live without you for 30 minutes, or more.  😉

Nursing a baby is also a hard one.  I have been there too. 

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Unruly Child

“My question, as it relates to the above entries and to my four year old is what to do when he will not stay in time-out (on our washer)? He will not stay there. He runs after me, screaming. I put him back – try hard to do it calmly and sometimes I have tried to keep him there using my hands to keep his legs on the washer, but then I feel like I am forcing him and it all goes down hill from there.”

I wrote an answer to a similar question over a year ago. It is called “Tantrums, Time-out and Tired Moms.” The article should answer most of your questions. It is alright to do a soft hold with a child to help him learn to want to stay on time-out himself to calm down, but you are right about it being a sort of “force.”

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Parenting Questions: What to do when they think they are the parent

Question:

“The biggest struggle we have with my son is that he wants to be the parent – he wants to be in control, not necessarily of my husband and I, but of the rest of the kids (he’s #2 of 5).  For instance, this morning he made himself a “dessert sandwich” (he just made this up, bread with butter and cinnamon on it) before breakfast, but got mad and yelled at our 2 year old for getting into the fridge to get an apple while he still had the sandwich in his hand.  Even me standing there saying “It’s okay, she can have the apple” didn’t calm things right away.  ALL THE TIME he gets after his siblings for things he sees as wrong, but he himself can do no wrong, even if he’s doing the same things they are.”

About Parents

I love how at the beginning of this question you say that your son thinks he’s the parent and then at the end you say that he can do no wrong even though he is doing the same thing.  These two statements together in the same paragraph make me smile because that is just what most parents really do.   They get after the children for doing what they, the parents, are doing all the time too.  These parents for some reason feel like if they don’t have to look at their short comings in their children then the short comings aren’t really there and don’t need to be addressed. 

I will never forget

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Toddlers with Tantrums

“Where am I going wrong?!?!?!?! I had started to think that things were on the up, but lately it seems as though my daughter’s behaviour has taken a nosedive. I think she’s just asserting herself but I find it hard to stay calm when she does. She ignores me very often or when she does respond to something, it’s usually with a “no” or “I don’t want to!”.

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Obedience — Inspiring a Change in Behavior

Another idea might be having a family meeting, I teach about those too, and discuss a POSITIVE motivational system for the family if everyone follows instructions the first time asked for a few days.  I have a great idea in my book about Rachel’s Bean Magic.  That motivational system my do really well for this because it shows that each good thing has a positive consequence, not just focusing on the bad.

Also, work with your children regularly too.  Teach them the jobs by example.  Sometimes we expect things to be done perfectly when we haven’t really taught them how to do the jobs properly

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Parenting Toddlers and Parenting Teenagers ~Family Government in Action

Parenting Toddlers ~ Small Successes

Nicholeen,

I’ve been working with my son Jack for the last six months to appropriately accept correction. He’s 21 months old. He’ll do something inappropriate, I’ll tell him the right thing to do and then say, “You say, ‘OK, mom.'” I’ve been wondering, over the course of the months, if my efforts were in vain. Was he too young? Would he ever get it?

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