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The Power of a Hug

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Youth (10-18) /

         A week ago I had six children instead of four.  We adopted two British 17 year old teens for a television show we were asked to be on.  Even though the filming was only 8 days, I think all of us, our family, the two teens, and the camera crew learned a lot about love and why some people struggle with certain behaviors. 

        There was one time during the week when my 17 year old adopted son, J, got really frustrated.  He was stressed because we were short on time, and he had lots he wanted to accomplish.  He had a bit of a break down.  He cried, and yelled, and displayed attitud

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Have You Ever Done This?

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

A parent says, “Billy, come make your bed.” 

Billy doesn’t come immediately so the parent says,”One…….Two………Three.” to get Billy to come. 

Have you ever done this?  Everyone knows Billy better start running either at or before his mom hits the number three or else Mom could turn into a monster. 

As I travel around, I notice counting to three as possibly the most common parenting control method.  Counting has it’s place in parenting, but the counting in the above story is either a threat, a power struggle, or a sign of a parent who doesn’t real

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Sneaky Six Year Old

1 Comment / All, Children (4-10), Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

      …my 6 year old is up to his old tricks.  He

LOVED following instructions when I first started concentrating on this.

But, today, he became his regular difficult self.  He hasn’t been

following instructions and when I tell him he’s earned a chore, he won’t

do the chore.  And when I try the Rule of 3, he’ll calm down and then

still won’t follow through with his chores. 

      He has tried to solicit help from me (while I’m trying to make dinner for him)–I told him I’d like to

help him, but I have to make dinner right now.  Then, he just starts goofing off with the r

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At Wit’s End…

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

I have a 14yo son who I cannot deal with any more.  It isn’t a new thing.  He’s my oldest and ever since he was little I have felt like I can’t deal with him.  He is defiant, impulsive, selfish, and almost any other negative thing I can think of.    When he sees how emotional his behavior makes me he feels guilty and apologizes and tries to do better for a little while but it doesn’t last.

We’ve tried to set up self-government.  We made a family mission statement but he won’t agree to it.  He won’t agree to any consequences we vote on.

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Positively Wonderful!

2 Comments / All, Relationships /

This last week I have had the amazing opportunity to parent two of the cutest little boys you could ever see; my nephews James and Henry.  My nephews are both still toddlers, so life was a little crazy sometimes and absolutely adorable almost all the time. 

For instance, three year old Henry felt that it was important to share all of his profound thoughts with me like, “Did you know that if I threw this basketball at your wall, or your window, or your light it would break?  But if I threw the ball at your couch it wouldn’t break.  But, if I got a really big ball, it could break your couch. 

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My baby won’t sleep through the night.

4 Comments / All, Relationships /

I had a question about getting my 9 month old baby to sleep?

I have been nursing him to sleep since he was born. Because he needs to be nursed to sleep, he sleeps in our bed. When I try to put him to sleep in his crib, he pulls himself up to standing and starts screaming and crying. I would really like to move him out of our bed and get him to put himself to sleep in his crib.

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criticism

Is Giving Criticism Bad?

3 Comments / All, Relationships, TSG Principles /

You use the word “criticism” often when you’re talking about corrective teaching…That word however, has a very negative connotation to me, and each time I hear you say it on your CD’s, I cringe inwardly… I listen to and read a lot of stuff on marriage and parenting, and the word “criticism” is always used as a negative term. It’s considered one of the 6 Love Busters in Harley’s book, Love Busters. John Gottman, in his books on marriage, includes it in “a set of particularly poisonous patterns of interaction [he calls] “the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” that can

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Therapy? Lying? Attention seeking?

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

I have one son who doesn’t seem to be responding much to the changes in our family, and I am starting to worry about him.  I know you have dealt with many children who have come from dysfunctional situations and maybe even need counseling.  I am wondering if there is a way to tell if this child needs counseling or if I just need to continue doing what we are doing and hope that it is making a difference little by little.  He is 10. 

The main issues we are having with him are lying and a tendency to constantly look for and feel pity for himself.  He has been difficult since the b

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Separate Behaviors from People

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Most parents I know would say they love their children unconditionally.  This unconditional love is the most powerful kind of love there is.  Some Christians call this kind of love, “Christ-like Love.” 

Feeling love for another person in your heart is not enough to make your love unconditional.  True unconditional love is a kind of love that can separate a person from his behaviors.  Can you see how this definition really IS unconditional? 

Parents must correct the behaviors of their children!  There is no doubt about this.  But, the correction of the negative behavior should never chang

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A strict parent?

1 Comment / All, Relationships /

I was recently asked if I thought I was a strict parent. I’ve never liked the word strict, because I associat it with a parent who yells a lot, is stern looking and engages in power struggles. So, in response to the question, I said, “I wouldn’t use the word strict to describe me, but I would say I am firm.” I shared these thoughts about the word strict with a wise friend of mine. She looked me in the eye and said, “You are wrong about people who are strict. A strict parent DOESN’T HAVE TO YELL.” All of a sudden I wondered if the semantics of the word strict have been chang

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Peck Family Standard

2 Comments / All, Home Culture, Relationships, TSG Principles /

This last weekend at the seminar in Clearfield, UT I was asked for a copy of my family standard.  In case it is useful to anyone else, it is below.  Warning, this is three pages long on word.  You should be able to copy and paste it back to word if you want to use it too or take ideas from it.  🙂  It does contain some things that are specific to our family’s religion.  Regard those things how you will.  Each family’s family standard should include things from their religious foundations. 

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Question about “perfect families”

Leave a Comment / All, Relationships, TSG Principles /

There was a comment left on the “perfect families” post which said,

Have you found ways to keep from joining in the competition when you speak about your kids, and shut down competitive questions/remarks from others?

There is definitely a way to keep from joining in these kinds of competitions.  But, the way is not easy because it goes against human nature to seek evidence of personal success by comparing.  I have realized the act of comparing or one-upping usually happens when I stop listening to and caring about the parent talking to me and caring about my own fami

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The simple things

Leave a Comment / All, Relationships /

Yesterday, my daughter was playing with her toy horses and stables.  She was having a great time.  I was reading on the couch.  Then I got this thought, “Ask her if you can play with her.” 

I must confess, it would have been a lot easier for me to keep doing my study thing.  I need all the time I can get.  But, right then I realized the most important thing to do was make a memory with my daughter. 

I asked her if I could play.  She smiled HUGE and said, “sure Mom!” 

We played for about 10 minutes when all the children crowded in and watched our playing.  Then I heard my son say, “I g

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Bubbles are no big deal.

Leave a Comment / All, Relationships, Youth (10-18) /

One day I was walking passed my daughters bedroom when, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my daughter’s 3 year old friend emptying the last of a HUGE 100oz refill bottle of bubbles onto the carpet.  She had climbed the closet shelves to the top and got down the bottle, so that she could dump it.  What did I do?  Did I lose my cool?  No way.  This wasn’t my child.  I walked into the room and said

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