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BBC’s Hannah Teaches Parents a Great Lesson

3 Comments / All, Relationships /

My sister, Janelle, who was featured on the BBC World’s Strictest Parents spoke with me recently about her one regret about the show.  If you have seen the show, you will remember we took our British guests to a homeschool youth event.  Janelle was in charge of creating an event which would push the youth, physically, and emotionally.  It was a team race with many different challenges.  During the event, the youth were required to get their whole team over a 6 foot high wire loaded with bells, have each person eat a jar of baby food beans, fill a tube with water that was loaded with holes, feed each other blind folded, and get their whole team completely off the ground for 30 seconds using a rope and three poles. 

     The youth were inspiring to watch.  James had a hard time with the course because the challenges were very emotionally strenuous.  The program showed some of this.  Hannah was very different to watch though.

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From Spencer

2 Comments / All, Relationships /

This is Spencer, the father in the show. Thank you so much for your comments about the show and our family. As portrayed in the show, we love to spend as much time with our children as possible. I have realized that someday that my children will be come as I am and that’s a sobering thought. It helps me to change things about me that I may not like. Doing this show has been an incredible journey for us and hopefully

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Nicholeen Tells more about World’s Strictest Parents

7 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

“Dear Nicholeen: I watched the show and was so impressed by your calm and collected attitude. I loved it when your son said, “she’s trying to push my mom’s buttons, but it won’t work.” One of my biggest problems is I allow kids to push my buttons and engage me in non-productive discourse (getting off track of what we’re talking about). These get me so frustrated. I don’t know how you did it with James and Hannah. I admire your patience, love and skills.

Can you tell us any more about some of the experiences that happened that weren’t included in the final edit. I’m curious to learn more about it.”

This is a great comment.  Let me fill you in a bit on the whole situation my sweet, big talking 12 year old, was commenting on:

     James and Hannah were very used to running away if they didn’t get their way.  The reason people continue running is because it is a form of power struggle that usually works.  It stops

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World’s Strictest Parents Utah

17 Comments / All, Announcements, Relationships /

“I’ve just seen you on the TV Programme, the Wor’ds strictest parents here in the UK and would like to say what a superb job your family did with Hannah and James.  Your family was so patient and understanding with the teenagers and seemed to really touch their lives in a positive way.  I  found your email address by noticing the name of your chorus in the film and then finding your contact details on your website.

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Don’t Overreact

3 Comments / All, Relationships /

     While making bread one day I heard confusion coming from downstairs.  After asking the children what was happening I found out that one of our darling little friends, who was over playing, broke a toy and was really worried about getting into trouble.  Apparently, the little five year old girl was playing with a toy when it dropped and broke.  The other children assured her that it would be alright, but she was still worried. 

     Our sweet friend became so anxious that she hid herself in the bathroom for a while, and when she was found there came out and found another more private pl

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Fathers figuring things out

3 Comments / All, Home Culture, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

Recently I have had multiple people email with questions about their husbands.  It seems that some fathers are reluctant to make changes in their family culture and systems even when the rest of the family is already using the teaching-self-government system.  Even though I am speaking from a woman’s perspective today to women primarily, I have also had fathers email about their wives not wanting to change, so the topic is valid for both mothers and fathers.

     Why is it that one parent can be ready for change and another isn’t?  The answer to this question is probably individual in many

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Teaching How to Stop Teasing

Leave a Comment / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

“Waaaaahaaaaa!” screamed Porter, my five year old, from the other side of the family room.  I looked over there just is time to see Paije, his much older sister, trying to pry one of her shoes from her little brother’s hands while keeping a close eye on the other shoe.  Before I could even get a word in, Paije had grabbed the first shoe away from her younger brother and no

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Teaching Self Government requires Self Government

Leave a Comment / All, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

        Another way I change my children’s hearts is to see what changes I have to make in myself.  If a relationship is suffering, it is usually a two person problem.  So, if I feel disconnected from my child, I take a good hard look at what I can do to change myself, motivate myself, and inspire myself.  In short, I try to see how I can live better so that I can inspire my child to live better.  In the past this has even required a new way of communicating to my family.  So far, this approach to changing hearts has been a big blessing for myself and my family. 

        If I am going to in

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“Mom is on the phone”

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

“I do struggle and maybe you could give me some advice.  I spend quite a bit of time with my kids in the morning going over little activities like school workbooks and story time and exercising together.  Yet the minute I get on the phone or sit down to nurse the baby, the three boys are arguing or fighting or taking toys from each other or something of the sort.  I have tried to get them to color or do a certain activity together, but that only lasts so long.  It’s

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Success Stories and Some Questions

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, Relationships, TSG Principles, Using TSG Skills /

Thank you so much for your teaching this subject! I purchased the CDs about two months ago when I heard about them through the LEMI mentors association, listened to them, took lots of notes, and put it into action at a family meeting about 3 weeks ago. It has been so helpful! It has already made a big difference in our home!

My eight year old son was having trouble obeying the first time i.e. following instruction, and we would ask him again and again to do things and he wouldn’t do them. He would forget or get distracted reading. (He’s a white, through and through.) Then we would get angry and he would do it. But he would sometimes get angry and lately even sometimes go into a little bit of a rage.

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The Power of a Hug

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Youth (10-18) /

         A week ago I had six children instead of four.  We adopted two British 17 year old teens for a television show we were asked to be on.  Even though the filming was only 8 days, I think all of us, our family, the two teens, and the camera crew learned a lot about love and why some people struggle with certain behaviors. 

        There was one time during the week when my 17 year old adopted son, J, got really frustrated.  He was stressed because we were short on time, and he had lots he wanted to accomplish.  He had a bit of a break down.  He cried, and yelled, and displayed attitud

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Have You Ever Done This?

Leave a Comment / All, Children (4-10), Home Culture, Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

A parent says, “Billy, come make your bed.” 

Billy doesn’t come immediately so the parent says,”One…….Two………Three.” to get Billy to come. 

Have you ever done this?  Everyone knows Billy better start running either at or before his mom hits the number three or else Mom could turn into a monster. 

As I travel around, I notice counting to three as possibly the most common parenting control method.  Counting has it’s place in parenting, but the counting in the above story is either a threat, a power struggle, or a sign of a parent who doesn’t real

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Sneaky Six Year Old

1 Comment / All, Children (4-10), Relationships, Using TSG Skills /

      …my 6 year old is up to his old tricks.  He

LOVED following instructions when I first started concentrating on this.

But, today, he became his regular difficult self.  He hasn’t been

following instructions and when I tell him he’s earned a chore, he won’t

do the chore.  And when I try the Rule of 3, he’ll calm down and then

still won’t follow through with his chores. 

      He has tried to solicit help from me (while I’m trying to make dinner for him)–I told him I’d like to

help him, but I have to make dinner right now.  Then, he just starts goofing off with the r

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At Wit’s End…

2 Comments / All, Relationships, Using TSG Skills, Youth (10-18) /

I have a 14yo son who I cannot deal with any more.  It isn’t a new thing.  He’s my oldest and ever since he was little I have felt like I can’t deal with him.  He is defiant, impulsive, selfish, and almost any other negative thing I can think of.    When he sees how emotional his behavior makes me he feels guilty and apologizes and tries to do better for a little while but it doesn’t last.

We’ve tried to set up self-government.  We made a family mission statement but he won’t agree to it.  He won’t agree to any consequences we vote on.

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Positively Wonderful!

2 Comments / All, Relationships /

This last week I have had the amazing opportunity to parent two of the cutest little boys you could ever see; my nephews James and Henry.  My nephews are both still toddlers, so life was a little crazy sometimes and absolutely adorable almost all the time. 

For instance, three year old Henry felt that it was important to share all of his profound thoughts with me like, “Did you know that if I threw this basketball at your wall, or your window, or your light it would break?  But if I threw the ball at your couch it wouldn’t break.  But, if I got a really big ball, it could break your couch. 

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