Why do we cater to our stresses and forget to choose calmness? After all, calmness is the only state where we truly feel safe and empowered. Stress, anger, and frustration never lead to true empowerment or peace, only emotional bondage.In 1998, when I was the young mother of a small baby and a toddler,and before I went through a complete personal parenting relaunch, I made a decision that proved to me how much parenting help I really needed. As I recall, I was in the family room alone with my toddler son. Likely my infant daughter was in her room sleeping. If this was the case, which only makes sense because she wasn’t in my arms that minute, then I was likely slightly stressed about not waking her up from her nap. Toddlers don’t always care about how much noise they make. The part of the interaction with my son …
Posted by Monica Pond on March 4, 2020
Even though the mistakes our children make are glaring us in the face, we also know that each of our children has certain attributes that make them wonderful, individual, and precious to us. Charitable parents focus more on those good, productive attributes than on the negative mistakes their children make daily.Each week I answer peoples’ parenting questions on my weekly support group call. The majority of the time the questions submitted about lying, disobedience, attitude problems, tantrums, etc. are prefaced with statements like these:“William is such a sweet boy. He always helps clean up without any complaining and loves his family so much, but he has a problem with…”“I really enjoy my little angel, Larren. She’s so kind to everyone, except her…”“Jared and Tyson are the best of friends. But they aren’t kind to…”These statements are charitable. The parents are considering the whole person when they’re analyzing the troubling childhood …
Posted by Monica Pond on December 19, 2018
A blog reader wrote: 1 – We don’t have a “rule” or certain consequence set up for every behavior in the book (nor do we want so many specific rules!) So, I’m wondering if “just-plain-not-doing-what-you-know-you-should” (be kind, be respectful, be responsible, be honest, don’t hit, tease, talk back, etc.) would be considered “not following instructions”, and would it then be followed up with the usual – an extra job, followed by SODAS, then major maintenance, and 24 hours without privileges…? Or is it better to assign certain consequences to certain behaviors?
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on April 23, 2008
After responding to the woman who teaches Primary at church with my initial, general tips on how to use self-government principles in the classroom she wrote me back the following:
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on October 15, 2019
Back in 2008 I received a letter from a woman that teaches a class every Sunday at church. She was having difficulty managing the behavior of the children in her class (or rather, the children were having difficulty managing their own behavior!). She wrote…
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 25, 2019
“…Everyone is selling something,” I said as I talked to a young girl one evening. Her mother had just made a comment about how the outfit the girl was wearing was “too revealing” and so she would need to go change it. The fifteen year old girltilted her hip and rolled her eyes as she smirked at her mom. This smile meant, “I don’t care what you say.
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on November 27, 2012
If you are going to effectively learn how to govern yourself, you have to be assertive. Teaching Self Government is essentially teaching how to act assertively as oppose to agressively or passively. Are you assertive? Take this test. You are in line at a grocery store and someone steps in front of you in line. Do you think bad thoughts about the person but choose not to say anything because it would feel uncomfortable? Do you say, “Excuse me sir, but I am in line. The back of the line is over there. Could you move to the back of th
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on April 6, 2008
“You mentioned you have touching rules for friends, family, and neighbors–do you mind sharing them?” There are rules and boundaries for touching for different groups of people. Know what they are and make sure your kids know what they are too.
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on June 25, 2008
A week ago, I was standing in the kitchen canning peaches, and my whole family atmosphere fell apart all around me in a matter of five minutes. My son was asked by his father to help with something in the back yard. My son didn’t want to do it, so he decided to have an attitude problem about it. My husband was stressed, and chose to get upset, instead of teach to the situation correctly. (We all have our moments of weakness from time to time.) My daughter was supposed to be cleaning her room, and was playing her piano instead. She had lost focus. (She is ten, this happens sometime
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on March 14, 2019
Some might think that optimistic people are fake or somehow disconnected from reality, but I know for a fact that positivity is one of our choices no matter what circumstances are before us. Russell Nelsontaught that our “joy has little to do with the circumstances of our lives, but everything to do with the focus of our lives.” (Joy and Spiritual Survival) But, can a person really choose happiness and live with joy every day? Surely, there are some days that are too hard to be happy. And, for the benefit of modern theories that seems to be promoting the inclusion of anger, hate, and sadness as healthy states of being, is it really healthy to live happy and positive all the time?Who hasn’t seen the teenage girl who rolls her eyes at her parents and complains about every hardship? Well, at age 14 I was that teenage girl. I …
Posted by Monica Pond on December 16, 2019
On a recent plane flight I happened to open the magazine provided for passengers by the airlinein the seat back pocket. In the magazine there was an article titled “Break Room” about these“Anger Rooms” that are starting to pop up around the country.These Anger Rooms are proof of our society’s entitlement mindset. The business is based onthe idea that a person should be allowed to be as aggressive as they want to when they feel anemotion coming on, and not have to follow God’s law of cause and effect.
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on June 3, 2016
One night, after my parents left to go on a date, my brother and I started fighting. I vividly remember the fight getting to the point where both of us were standing on a couch threatening each other with broomsticks. This sad memory changed me. Many times over the years I’ve had that memory return, but with a goal attached to it. That goal was for my children to see each other as best friends throughout their lives. Since I didn’t necessarily have experience with this concept, I had to do some careful research and planning. Researching the Role of Siblings What role do siblings play in each other’s lives? Are they meant to be best friends or biggest foes? Are siblings the ones to compete with and tear down, or are they ones to rejoice for and build up? How are proper sibling roles to be taught? Consider some …
Posted by Monica Pond on March 9, 2017
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