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Power Struggling
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Who Drives You Crazy?
“But what if they just keep talking back and are driving me crazy,” a mother asked me while I was instructing a group of parents on how to teach their children to accept “no” answers.The mother of three told the group she knew she needed help becausesometimes she feels so crazy, or out of control, when she’s around her children that she looks forward to going to work instead of being at home with the family.I immediately noticed that wanting to go to work when things got rough at home was really just a desire to run away from a problem she didn’t feel quite prepared to solve.This mother was missing vital tools and honest perspective needed to stop herself and her children from going crazy or running away.Children most often develop the habit of talking back to parents in disrespectful ways because the behavior is occasionally tolerated. Parents unknowingly …
Posted by Monica Pond on October 19, 2019
What If Your Child Is A Bully?
Let’s be careful not to bully our children into not being bullies. In a recent Huffington Post article a mother talked about how she taught her daughter”to damn well treat people right.” (Sorry for the language. That washer exact quote.) In the article the motherthreatened her daughter with no ride to school if the daughter didn’t include another girl in her friend group. In the end, the girls became friends and the daughter learned: “…her initial instinct about people isn’t always correctly motivated.” And that “…you can be friends with the least likely people; the best friendships aren’t people that are your ‘type!’In the world of friendship, contrast is a plus…” While I understand the point of the article is to promote inclusion of others, I have to “disagree appropriately” on a few things. First, teaching children not to follow their instincts can be dangerous for them. Instincts stop many …
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on April 25, 2016
What Children Think of Negative Consequences
I recently asked a group of 10-year-old children what kinds of negative consequences their families have. “At our house, we sweep the floor and clean,” said one boy. “Mom gets mad and goes into a bad mood,” said another boy. “Mom used to send us to time out, but we don’t do that anymore,” said a thoughtful girl. I asked her what they do for negative consequences now. She thought for a minute and said, “I guess Mom just does whatever she can think of to control us. Sometimes we get soap in our mouths when we say bad words, sometimes she gets really grumpy and makes life hard for us, and sometimes she takes our stuff away,” she replied. Negative Consequences Shouldn’t Be Bad I then asked the children if they thought negative consequences are bad. Most of the children in the room said, “Yes” before the first little …
Posted by Monica Pond on July 18, 2018
What Breaks Relationships And How To Fix Them
Relationships require selfless service to survive. Although there are multiple reasons people site for their relationship dysfunctions, from infidelity to arguments, relationship problems usually all have two things in common: dishonesty and selfishness. According to The Institute For Family Studies, the leading causes of divorce are: infidelity, incompatibility, drinking or drug use, growing apart, a lack of commitment, and too much arguing. In my own studies of families who are working to overcome dysfunctional family relationships and fractured family bonds through Teaching Self-Government parenting services, I’ve noticed that the main causes of broken or damaged family bonds can be grouped into a handful of reasons. These reasons include: lack of communication, laziness, not valuing family, arguing and fights, lies and manipulations, excuses for bad behavior, disrespect for parental authority and position of the child, losing common values, and only being concerned with one’s own feelings and wants. Every reason listed …
Posted by Monica Pond on December 28, 2020
TSG Support Call 6-2-17
This call covers: What to do when children CHOOSE to lose all privliges What to do if youare abully-style parent How to love your children inspite of yourself Extra chores for super young children Dealing with ODD Children/ODD or just defiance?
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on June 15, 2017
Treasure the Little Ones
As I rounded the corner of a shopping isle at a local grocery store, I heard crying. Through tears a young girl, about 8 years old, said, “Tell me what it is Mom. Tell me what this is.” The moment I turned into this isle, the mother was in the middle of yelling, “Shut up right now or you’ll be sorry!!!” The mother caught a quick glimpse of me and immediately pretended she was examining the paper towels on the shelf. Then she quickly walked away. She had four girls with her. The oldest looked about 13. The 13-year-old, who didn’t see me, grabbed her younger sister by the arm and whacked her on the back side as hard as she could. The older sister looked proud of herself — even though she now knew I was watching. Then the two of them quietly followed the group to the next …
Posted by Monica Pond on May 23, 2018
Traveling Trends Meet Parenting Problems
Family travel looks different these days than it used to. Today’s parents were raised in a slower time. Most families planned one or two trips a year, which were usually taken during school holidays, and in our case, in the family travel trailer. While there are still families that really don’t like to leave home for even one night (even though I don’t know any of them myself), the average household spends 2 percent of its annual income on travel expenses. A family’s average cost of travel is $4,700 per year according to Value Penguin and $4,300 per vacation according to Stuffed Suitcase. Many families spend around 30 days on vacation annually. What impact do all those travel days have on family relationships? I think the hope is that they be positive. Parents have always known that to create lasting memories, families need to have shared experiences for extended periods …
Posted by Monica Pond on June 18, 2018
Trade Time for Anger: Find Calmness and Patience
“You never can tell with bees,” said A.A. Milne’s cherished character Winne-the-Pooh. This was Pooh Bear’s naive way of saying he didn’t understand why bees did the things they did. He made his best guesses, but he always seemed to guess wrong and find himself in a prickled gorse bush — instead of feasting on fresh honey. As a beekeeper, I understand what part of getting honey Pooh never bothered to do: observe the actions of the bees and himself around the bees. When someone approaches the hive, a few guard bees automatically tip forward on their front legs, extending their stingers in the air. If the person coming toward the hive doesn’t retreat, then the bees start to fly at the person and push their stingers into the intruder. When bees sting, they die. Sir Francis Bacon said, “Men must not turn [into] bees.” When a person puts his …
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Posted by Monica Pond on March 1, 2018
To the Mother of the Screaming Child in the Grocery Store Line
Most every mother has experienced something like this — you’re at the grocery store, busy juggling carts, food items and kids, when one of your children starts throwing a temper tantrum. You do your best to console them, trying to ignore the irritated glances of your fellow shoppers, and then, with a stress level through the roof, you finally flee the premises. These experiences are emotionally draining and can feel a little embarrassing as well. When you see another mom struggling with her kid(s) at the store, don’t you just wish you could go over and help somehow to ease the stress you can see on her face? I can remember a time when I was a young mother and my newborn baby screamed the entire time we were trying to check out. While this might not seem like an extraordinary experience, this particular instance was life altering for me. …
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Posted by Jeff Pizzino on September 25, 2015
The Fast Track to Parenting Success!
Faster isn’t always better. In a world of convenience and lack of time, great efforts have been made to save time and increase efficiency for us all. Innovators have created devices and processes that increase our quality of life and give us more time for the important things. But, faster isn’t better when people are concerned. Take parenting, for instance. Every time I speak to people about teaching their children how to change their hearts toward self-governing their behaviors, parents will say, “How long is this going to take? I’m in crisis right now.” To this question I speak the truth: “Learning to govern yourself isn’t a trick or quick fix; it is a lifelong pursuit for children and parents. In fact, it is the most important of our life’s accomplishments.” I suppose this could turn people off, but it shouldn’t. When a person talks of changing a heart, or …
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on April 5, 2016
Teaching Your Child to Listen to You, Every Time
Recently a woman who was asking for my advice said, “My 10-year-old son, Benjamin, will not do what I say. I know he hears me but he just ignores me when I talk to him. How can I get him to listen to me? I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but it’s like his heart is hard or something. He doesn’t seem to care about helping out or listening to me at all.” When this woman shared her frustration with me, I knew exactly what it felt like to feel ignored by a child. When my oldest daughter was three years old I took her to an ear doctor for a special examination. I wanted to make sure she really could hear me because she seemed to tune me out every time I started telling her something she needed to do. After a very thorough examination, the doctor looked …
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Posted by Monica Pond on January 25, 2017
Support Call 9-8-17
This Call Covers: A discussion on Shakespeare and Self-Government Time out Stopping littering Stopping negativity in teenagers
Posted by Nicholeen Peck on September 9, 2017