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Media

Are Your Children Slaves to the Media? 

Parenting Lessons From A Ten Year Old "Oh Mom, that is so sad!" said ten-year-old Porter when he got in the car after our fun family night activity. "What is so sad Porter?" I inquired.... more

Support Call 1-24-14

Friday's call was full of so many good questions!  Here they are:

  •  If someone walks away during the Rule of Three, do they immediately earn a total loss of all priviledges?
  • My son has ADHD and I have a light case of ADD.  He doesn't know he has it yet, but I'm hesitant to tell him. He gets angry easily and doesn't like the Rule of Three.  Is it okay to give him time to calm down before starting the Rule of Three?
  •  What is it with 11-year-olds?  They seem to be the focus of a lot of the questions.  I have an 11-year-old and I need to know what to do besides accept hard knocks.  What would would you suggest?
  •  I want to have a Mentor Session with my ADHD son, but my husband thinks it wouldn't go well.  How would I run the Mentor Session and should I have one?
  •  My daughter stole out from midnight until two. Therefore, I didn't let her go to a dance the next night.  She was given an iPod and she has now bought herself one as well.  She has accounts on it that are not good and she didn't receive permission for those or the iPod itself. I've thought of multiple consequences for this.  I'm usually fine if she tells me, on her own, that she's made a mistake. But if I find out on my own, it bugs me a lot. What should I do?
  •  My 4-year-old son lost his movie priviledge and doesn't care that it's gone. I wasn't quite sure what to do. If I took him to Time Out, is it okay to hold him there?
  •   My son is often out of instructional control.  When he is, he thinks he can do whatever he wants.  He's gone for 9 days of being out of control before.  He teases his siblings and likes "talk time" because that is his love language.  How would you recommend I handle this?
  •  How do I bring together my job and my mission?
  •  What can I do to teach my 14-year-old daughter and myself social skills? Also, others are judging my decisions for schooling.

Support Call 1-10-2014

Yesterday's call was full of insight! I think the questions that were asked opened everyone's understanding just a little bit more.  These are the questions we had:

  • I have a 11-year-old son who makes his sister the enemy. We have tried many things. What more can we do?
  • My daughter is almost 16 and she is not obeying our family rules when it comes to electronics. She is sneaking them around, she is hiding them from me, and her friends are sending her devices. It feels like she is so desperate to reach out to her friends that she's lying and sneaking, when all she needs to do is be honest and upfront. What would you recommend? 
  • We had an issue where Grandpa went against my wishes. He came to take my daughter to babysit her and I told him "No candy." On the way back to his home, he bought her an ice cream cone, saying it was "sweets," not candy. Should I not even send her to Grandma and Grandpa's house? Please talk about to what extent “my being there” is necessary and how you make judgment calls.  
  • My 4-year-old son speaks really loudly. It's a problem because he wakes his two-year-old sister in the morning. While I shower every morning, he and my husband watch a movie (or two). I think he is getting too addicted to media. My husband doesn't agree. What do you recommend?

Conference Call 11-16-12

This call covers: 

  • Correcting behavior while traveling and what to do when you have different standards from the people you are visiting. Falling off the TSG wagon and getting back up. What to do when you spouse isn't on board.
  • 14 year old manipulative son and Disagreeing Appropriately
  • Loss of privileges on a Sunday. Daughter plans her loss of privileges to happen when she can't lose them.
  • Discouragement
  • When and how to teach the family the TSG program
  • Children's friends who keep bringing electronic devices to the house. What to do about it. 
  • Role Play Ideas for making it more fun, staying away from bribing and the upcoming video
  • Pulling yourself out of a slump

Conference Call 4-15-11

Nicholeen shares some stories about the importance of having a vision for you and your children.  She is often contacted by individuals who have see in the BBC show.  She tells about a girl who is lost and not sure what to do with her life and is considering apprenticing as a piercing person.  

  • What if your child (or teenager) doesn’t care about the family vision or says it is stupid?  That’s what seems to be happening with one of our kids. Nicholeen shares 5 ideas about vision.
  • I have a question about the content of vision. Would it be bad to make our family being in the rodeo as part of our vision? Or do I just change the vision if my children's interests change.
  • 7 year old not calm after rule of 3 and needs to be taken out of the room. I can't take him due to back it sends me into panic mode. He doesn't like to be taken there. But he is attention seeking with the tantrum. 5 second rule. Power struggle mode. Soft hold. Exception to rule. Be intuitive. Special moment, counseling session. I noticed good. I noticed every so often you arent happy. I decided in order to help you be happy to do a soft hold. You are in bondage to your emotions and I am going to free you.
  • Help!  I need advice as soon as possible.  We just found out that our 17 year old has been drinking he was twice the legal limit and has been smoking 4 cigerettes per day.  He needs to go to detox and a smoking cessation program.  What do we do?
  • My 17 year old daughter makes mountains out of mole holes in regards to computer time and her social life. She will get really upset.  She's is a really good girl and the extreme is that she recently started cutting herself. Part of it is my fault since we really don't have a structure in place for.  

Video Addiction

How do you parent a child who is red/yellow when you are a white/blue? My son and I are so entirely different and he's so impulsive (almost destructive) that it completely shakes my world. I often find him sneaking downstairs and turning on the Wii (which we only permit on Friday and Saturday as a privilege). Even though he receives consequences (extra chores, etc.) the benefit from sneaking still outweighs the consequences he receives.

He is extremely smart and creative, however, I find it hard to adapt and allow him to explore. Just a small example is that when I came into the kitchen, he had poured most of my white vinegar into a large pitcher and added a lot of baking soda to it to see what would happen. Of course, a nice reaction occurred (like a volcano) causing messes in the kitchen (not to mention "wasted" ingredients). My personality is such that I was upset by the experiment because I would have preferred to do that in a more controlled environment where I could measure out the amounts, etc. I ended up pouring out the concoction down the drain which resulted in him screaming, crying, and locking himself in his room. Apparently he had wanted to show his dad when he got home. He's 6.

This is just one example of MANY impulsive and messy things (some dangerous, like running away or approaching every stranger -- good trait, but not when I can't see him). Needless to say, I have no idea how to channel his enthusiasm and spontaneity in a good direction. His motivation is definitely video games, however, I don't want to corrupt his little spirit by allowing him to play too often. When he plays he gets angry and so focused that nothing else matters (hence the Friday/Saturday rule right now). My sister suggested that if I let him play video games more, then maybe he wouldn't try to sneak so much.

I am reading and enjoying your book right now, and I'm realizing just how different I am from my son. I also have six children, so it's hard to find one on one attention for all of them. It's hard even going in public because he has a hard time following orders and frequently runs off. I've had to put him in the shopping cart multiple times to keep him with us. Am I being too strict and rigid? How do I allow him some "free" time and trust that he won't get hurt? We live in such a different world today than the one in which I grew up. Any advice would be great :)