Steps
Here are the steps to three of the five teaching styles. You are welcome to copy them onto a card for your back pocket if want to.
Pre-teaching / Preping
1. Describe the current or upcoming situation “When we are at the store…” “Right now…”
2. Explain the correct behavior and what consequence will follow. “If you choose to say OK…”
3. Explain the negative consequence which will follow an incorrect behavior. “If you choose to say NO…”
4. Say you are going to give them an instruction or a no answer etc. “Right now I am going to give you a No answer. You need to …”
5. Give instruction or no or consequence. “________, I need you to…”
6. Praise, Praise, Praise. “Yeah! You looked at me and …”
Corrective Teaching / Correcting
1. Describe the situation. “Just now…”
2. Say what went wrong. “When you roll your eyes, you are telling me that you are not OK with my answer.”
3. Describe correct behavior. “What you should have done was…”
4. Give Consequence (possiblly prep before this) “Because you chose not to say OK when I said No, you have earned…”
5. Praise for accepting consequence
6. Practice /Roll Play 3 times “Let’s practice. You be me and I’ll be you…”
7. Praise and positive motivation statement
Intesive Teaching / Rule of Three (Three steps; three times)
Describe the situation. “Just now… You seem like you might be ‘Out of Intructional Control’…”
1. Pre-teach. “I am going to give you an instruction. If you choose not to follow the instruction, then You will earn… Then I will give you a second instruction. If you choose not to follow that instruction, you will earn… Then I will give you a third instruction. If you choose not to follow that in struction, you will be choosing to earn…”
2. Instruction. “I need you to take three deep breaths.”
3. Consequence or move on. “Just now I gave you an instruction and…” (Praise any good things they do during this interaction)
4. REPEAT the above 2 more times as follows—Pre-teach. “I am going to give you a second instruction. If you choose not to follow that instruction, you will earn… Then I will give you a third instruction. If you choose not to follow that in struction, you will be choosing to earn…”
5. Instruction. “I need you to take three deep breaths.”
6. Consequence or move on. “Just now I gave you an instruction and…” (Praise any good things they do during this interaction)
7. Pre-teach. I am going to give you a third instruction. If you choose not to follow that in struction, you will be choosing to earn…”
8. Instruction. “I need you to take three deep breaths.”
9. Consequence or move on. “Just now I gave you an instruction and…” (Praise any good things they do during this interaction)
10. Say you will check back. “I see that you are not ready to follow instructions yet, so I am going to be in the other room and I will be back to see if you are ready to say OK in a few minutes.” (Go play with happy children and praise them)
**They only have to go through this a few times with a calm parent and a solid system to understand that they really are choosing to go “out of control”. Then they don’t have these problems any more. This is for when they won’t follow instruction according to the steps presented in the seminar. If they don’t look at you, they aren’t following the instructions. Point that out often, so that they can monitor their own behaviors.
Hope this helps!
Nicholeen
Thank you so much Nicholeen! Just knowing this blog is here has given me strength. I attended your parenting seminar in Herriman and ever since have been thinking about all the good things about teaching self-government. Unfortunately, life happens and I am just getting around to my vision for my family and the start of the whole process. I spoke to you that day in particular about my 8yr. old daughter. She doesn’t tell me things or talk to me or anyone for that fact (other than day to day stuff). I told you she wouldn’t even tell me what she wanted for Christmas, etc.. Anyway, you suggested that I have 5 mins. a day with her just asking/ answering questions. I want you to know that has helped and I have noticed she is excited to have that time. What is bothering me though is that today I discovered she had burned her arm and never told me. I noticed it as she was sitting next to me. I gently put my arm around her and told her if she hurts herself, she needs to tell me so I can take care of it. I then took her and put some medicine on it. I asked her how she had done it and she said she didn’t know (this is a typical response from her).
Also, she is always trying to get her 7yr. old sister to do things which she knows are not right. For example, my 7yr. old told me the other day that her sister told her to take a toy ring from a house we were visiting. I know that she does these things because I myself have heard her in the past. How do you handle dishonesty and trust issues? I love her dearly and am deeply concerned by her behaviors.
I hope I am putting this in the right spot. I have never blogged before.
Kristy
I have spent about an hour on your site and have enjoyed reading almost every one of your posts. I am really interested in your 3 of 5 steps of teaching styles. I plan to test them on my 7 year old son who I feel is going to grow and expand tremendously these next few years. I am excited for his eagerness, energy, and the excitement he has for learning - except the school he is in would like for him to slow down, quit interrupting, and stay sitting in his seat. He has already been sent to “In School Suspension or ISS” for being disruptive during class. I feel this can possibly be discouraging to him, and send the message of becoming introvert, and losing interests in school. I find homeschooling very interesting and maybe a possibility in the future. For now, can you suggest any means of how to handle the school adminitrators vs. my son’s behavior?
Hi Nicholeen,
I missed your Herriman, Tooele, and Forum seminars! But a friend attended your Forum seminar and told me about this website. Are you giving any other seminars in the near future? Is there anything I can read in the meantime to learn what this self-government system is all about? Without any background, this website is just giving me a taste for more understanding!
Thanks,
Dionne
I am with Dionne. I really should have made it to your seminar and am sick about it. I am ready to read and practice all I can. Do you have a book?
Those are great! Thanks for posting them. My problem is that I never can think of appropriate consequences when my kids misbehave. Do you have any suggestions? I have five children ages 9-18.
Thanks,
Amy