Today the family did lots of yard work.  We decided that we are on vacation this week.  That means a break from the regular routine.  We usually do this a couple of times per year to get all the yard and garden stuff done.

After we had worked for many hours the three younger children went off to play.  After a while, I heard my six year old daughter whining to her brother and sister that she wanted to play the game they were playing.  They had given her a No Answer.  Her brother and sister said, “Londyn, you are whining.  We can’t talk to you when you act like that.” 

I had to smile, because that is a rule I have.  It was so fun to see that they are understanding proper communication.  I wanted to see if their kind and unemotional approach would inspire my six year old to calm down.  Soon, she was standing on the trampoline whining to me that they wouldn’t play with her.  I said, “You are speaking in a whiny  voice.  You should disagree appropriately with your brother and sister.  I am sure they will listen to what you want then.” 

If she were a little bit older, and wasn’t having such an emotional day, that would have probably been all she needed; but not today.  Today, she turned around and began whining louder to her brother and sister.  After a few minutes she started crying very loudly saying, “I’ll feel a lot happier if you play with me.”  She said this over and over again. 

I decided that I should probably check to see if she was “out of instructional control”.  I said, “Londyn, I need you to follow an instruction.  I need you to come in the house and sit in time out until you are ready to talk calmly.”  She looked at me and said, “OK”  and walked in the house to sit down.  She was not “out of instructional control.”

After about 8 minutes had passed I came to talk to my sweet little six year old.  I said, “Londyn, out in the yard you didn’t get what you wanted and so you chose to whine and cry.  What you should have done was disagreed appropriately with your brother and sister.  Do you remember how to disagree appropriately?” 

She said that she did.  We practiced different things she could have said in her disagreement.  I was going to bring up what options she has if the person she is talking to still says no when she said, “If they don’t want to play with me I could just say “OK”, or I could disagree, or I could just find something else to do.”  Of course I let her know that she is really good at problem solving and I had faith that she wouldn’t have a problem with crying and whining when she doesn’t get her way again. 

Then as she was walking out the door she said, “Mom, crying isn’t fun.  It’s not a good idea to make myself sad because then I can’t have fun.” 

I replied with, “That is so true Londyn.  I am glad you know that.  I want you to have fun.  You are so smart to think of that.”  She went back out to play, disagreed with her sister, her sister and brother said she could play with them and life was good again. 

Sometimes they figure out what lesson they need to know all by themselves.  Those are great moments.  Those are the moments that let me know I am teaching them how to think about their own behaviors.  Those are the moments of victory for me. 

Nicholeen