Hitting Toddlers - Parenting Advice

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This is a copy of an email from Amiee Kieffer, author of http://momzoo.blogspot.com/ 

I thought it would be helpful to many others.

Nicholeen

 

Your parenting methods have really changed things around here.  I could go on and on about it! 

     I am still at a loss on how to do this all with my 2 year old.  He does well with pre-teaching most of the time, and sometimes I can get his attention long enough to talk to him (he has such a funny “serious” face that I have a hard time not laughing!).  His biggest problem is with hitting, he hits one of his sisters a least once a day, usually out of frustration.  Usually I take him aside and hold his offending arm firmly and say “No Hit”  then I pat his face soft and say “Soft, soft”  I then have him pet my face soft, then we go to the person whom he hit and we pat her and say “touch soft”.  What are your thoughts on this?  He just seems so immature for too much talk and of course he can’t do an extra chore, and I don’t like doing time out unless they need to cool down (just like you).

 

     I do have a cute story to tell you.  My 5 year old daughter has a hard time picking up her room and it usually ends up being a screaming, fit throwing fight when it is time for her to pick it up.  A week or so ago I sat on her floor with her.  I pre-taught her, I said “Emma, I am going to ask you to do little jobs around your room, if you choose to say ‘ok’ then we will cheer and do a happy dance, if you say ‘no’ then you will have an extra chore once your room is clean.  Do you understand me?”  She looked at me kind of funny, I had never spoken to her like that, then she said “ok”.  I burst into clapping and cheering and did a little dance.  She giggled.  I then gave her very simple one step instructions and we cheered and danced every time she finished a task.  With every cheer someone in the family would pop into the room to see what was going on and by the time her room was finished the whole family was cheering her on and dancing with her.  It was wonderful!  She even invented her own special “happy dance” and asks me “If I do my job can we do a happy dance?” 

Aimee Kieffer

My Response:

Aimee,
 
Thank you for this.  I think the way you are handling your 2 year old is fine.  Don't underestimate what they can understand though.  They can't say as much, but they have been listening to words for 2 whole years.  They know more than you think.  If you always say the same things, they will pick it all up quickly enough.  Practicing the soft touch is really good.  Practice for 2 year olds really is the most important thing to do!  They are almost all emotion at that age.  Just make sure you are not.  (wink) 
 
Other ideas are, be sure to have your son apologize to his sister, and have him learn to sing "Jesus Said Love Everyone" or something loving like that.  We sing this song all the time at our house.  He can learn this easy song and you can help him sing it.  Another thought is that you may want to have him do an age appropriate chore for each hitting.  (i.e. pick up a few toys, put something in the garbage, wipe a low window sill, etc.) 
You are doing a great job!  So happy to hear about your successes. 

 

 

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Haley, Here is a post just

Submitted by Nicholeen (not verified) on Sat, 02/20/2010 - 11:22.
Haley, Here is a post just about toddlers and time-out http://new.teachingselfgovernment.com/tips-for-using-time-out-with-toddl... The most important thing I do is NOT make time out the consequence. Time out is the place to get calm and get ready to talk about it and practice the right way to do it. As soon as they are calm, go to them and big hugs, high fives, and talk about it. Then practice doing the situation the right way. After that do a corrective teaching and give a small chore to teach cause and effect. If your child likes chores, good! Keep praising his efforts. If you don't act stressed or vindictive about negative consequences there will never be a reason to develope a bad attitude toward work. Praise all good work and chores. I hope this adds some more insight. Nicholeen

Nicholeen- I really like

Submitted by Haley Larsen (not verified) on Sat, 02/20/2010 - 07:43.
Nicholeen- I really like your advice here. I am having a hard time with my 2 year old (almost 3) also. He gives me a "no" answer a lot. I usually use time out, but I don't know if that is what I should be doing. Sometimes one no answers turns into an hour and a half of going in and out of time out, screaming, hitting and more saying no. I tried having him do a chore but he loves help me clean. He would wipe of a window sill (or do another age appropriate chore) and come up to me when he was done and say "no, do I get to do another job?" I love that he likes to help out and I don't want to turn jobs into a negative thing. Do you have any ideas? Thank you! -Haley Larsen

My 2yr old is a brute. She

Submitted by JB MAC (not verified) on Thu, 02/18/2010 - 10:06.
My 2yr old is a brute. She hits her 5yr old sister all the time. Good thing my 5yr old understands and doesn't retaliate. My 2yr old is a girl too. I think I'll try the "soft touch" approach.

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